Tequila Shots For The Radio: Volume Who Knows
(I think it's Volume 30)
There's no download because I no longer have recording software.
The show started a little late, because while I was on the phone with Mike J, Geo came into the room and started stripping. I asked if he was going to take a shower, and he said he already took one. So I figured he wanted sex. Now normally, there are five things I never refuse. Food, liquor, expensive handbags, money and sex from my husband (actually, I don't refuse pron either). But my show was starting in half an hour. So I refuse, but does he take no for an answer? No. Instead he walks up to me and...
Me: Ow ow ow stop slapping me with that thing!
Mike (on the phone): Is he slapping you with his dick?
Me: Yeah, on the arm. Punkass.
Mike: Too much information but that's funny as hell.
Me (5 minutes later): Okay, I have to go prepare for my show.
Mike: Okay, go have sex.
But then we couldn't find a condom. I almost had an aneurysm over the fact that we didn't have one at the ready. As I was wondering how I could MacGuyver something (we had a kitchen full of grocery bags, Saran wrap and Ziplock bags) I checked under the bed one more time and voila. Or as Mike spells it, "wallah." CRINGE, by the way.
Dean said in the chat room that if the movie Cars had a slut, it would be a beaten up 1981 280ZX. I disagree. The sluts would be a lime green Honda Del Sol and a red Miata, that let other cars bang them in the tailpipe and blow a load of oil on their fronts. Then a Mini Cooper would come for some midget pron action.
Made up words are fun. The other day, I was watching CSI: Miami and they described a virus people can send each other, of pron pop-ups. They called it a "pornado." HAHAHA. Fuck, that rocks. Maybe someone will get me a pornado for Christmas. Pornados are like games to me, I ignore the easy way of closing them, put my finger on the mouse and start shooting them down. The pornado then gets stronger but in the end, once the last pop-up is eliminated, I throw my hands in the air and scream "I WIN!!!!!!!!!" Sometimes, there is a victory dance. Pop-up blockers are for pansies.
One of the Cringe Humor DJs is having a contest to win a date with her. Contestants both male and female must write an essay explaining why they feel they should win. I was going to enter for shits and giggles (Maria is cute, smart and fun) but apparently "Cringe Humor employees" are prohibited from entering. Okay, when did we start getting paid and no one informed me. The winner will be treated to dinner and a Cringe Humor comedy show, I think. Anyway, I'm having fun imagining what my friends' essays would look like:
Kaan - "I would like to win the date because Maria looks light and easily maneuverable."
Steve - "I would like to win the date, though I feel compelled to warn you about my tendency to take embarrassing pictures, which my friends later exploit in viciously public manners."
Dean - "I would like to win the date, but first I'll have to see a picture of your feet please."
Tony - "I would like to win the date, but since I'm 6-4 the camera recording the date for posterity may only capture your head and my torso."
Mike J - "I would like to win the date because I'm Jewish and it's free."
Okay yeah I couldn't resist the last one, but everyone knows that people who have funded one (or 938) of my marathon SoCo and lime/tequila sessions is far from thrifty. I was going to put "I would like to win the date because I'm Jewish and I'd like to occupy her land" but I don't know Maria well enough yet to make those foul ass jokes.