March 7, 2007

Random Stuff Volume 3.14159265

Random Stuff Volume 3.14159265

1. Abel had his 31st birthday on Sunday, so Happy Birthday patna! Year of the Dragon fo' life! *fist in air* By the way, Abel came home drunk one night, sat down on his couch and became immersed in the Home Shopping Network. At one point he picked up the phone and his sister went "What are you doing?" He was about to order 200 knives. No, not a set of 200 different knives with different functionalities, but 200 mini swiss army knives. I'm dying right now just typing that.

2. Geo and Tony came with me and Steve to the final session of the Land Mark Forum last night, which really meant a lot to me. I also want to say thanks for all the touching comments, emails and phone calls and thanks to all the blurkers who have come out in one form or another. You guys ROCK! It's bizarre but I feel as if I've known people for years and talked with them a thousand times but never really spoken to them until now. When we walked into the building, Tony asked what time it started and I told him they served the Kool-Aid at 7:30 but gave you ten minutes or so to mix the cyanide. Then I said it's good Geo is already bald, so they won't have to shave his head before they drill the holes. Just as an FYI, we use cyanide in our cult versus iocane powder, because some people have built up an immunity to iocane powder.

Incidentally, I'm not affiliated with them but I have a disclaimer anyway: The Landmark Forum is not for people with mental health issues. I can't stress that enough. If you are prone to mental illness, a forum that encourages you to take an honest look at yourself is probably not where you want to be. Seriously. It's hard enough for people who aren't conversing with the mailbox.

3. Here are some of the pics on my camera phone right now:

Nekkidy Harry Potter (courtesy of my brother-in-law Mike you know how
I know you're gay, you've got naked pics of Daniel Radcliffe on your phone)
and a sticker that says "I know how you feel. I just don't care."

One of the more popular stores in Bayonne and my most recent
tattoo when it was a day old

What was in front of me while I was sitting on the can at the optometrist's
office and me stoging in front of a No Smoking sign. The entrance was sealed
shut so I wasn't actually being much of a rebel.

A pic of my brother-in-law that my sister Leah has taken great
Photoshop liberties with and at her request, the chicken McNugget
shaped like the United States.

Other pics that are currently on my phone:

-The Grinch getting a blowjob (It's actually an animated gif but it wouldn't upload properly)
-My boobs
-A particularly impressive work of toilet art ("I'd like to thank the Academy, my lactose intolerance and corn...")
-A woman with pubes shaped like a Hasidic Jew's hair and the words "Happy Chanukah" (Hey, blame Mike J for that one, he really is the "Worst Jew Ever.")
-Random pics of family and friends, sometimes picking their nose.

4. This online game that tests if you can tell the difference between Polish President Lech Kaczynski and his twin brother Jaroslaw is funny and a bit annoying. I figure dammit, I'm the mom of identical twins. This should be a piece of cake. Then I remembered how in high school there were these twin brothers and for three years I couldn't tell them apart. So when they walked up, I'd check their shoes because one wore Asics and the other Diadoras (woot did I just date myself). One day I looked down and they'd gotten new shoes and I almost had an aneurysm. "Fuck, which one is he. Who am I talking to? Which one is this???"

5. I fell asleep in mid-sentence while on the phone the other day, and started dreaming I was sitting in a cafeteria with some friends, watching some strange man approach with his tray. The sentence I actually uttered out loud to Steve was "Abel was over for awhile, playing with the girls and this guy is walking over here and he has pit stains." Steve was like "What did you say?" And I woke up and went "What" because I knew what I said didn't make sense and was trying to buy some time.

6. I am lagging with the 24 post. Kwame?

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