Naughty Vulva

Naughty Vulva

Nahh I'm not being porny. That's my new band's name. If, by "new band" you mean "group of women who are not musically inclined with the exception of late night karaoke and who have no actual intention of ever producing any music but damn making up fake song titles sure is fun." Which I do.

Incidentally, this is my plan. I am going to start blogging again and pretend I never left. I'm going to be that guy that slinks home from the strip joint, reeking of cigarette smoke, cheap perfume and whiskey, and quietly slides into bed pretending he didn't screw up royally.

Anyway, my point is that I've started a band called Naughty Vulva, and these are the songs in order of non-release:

1. Skank (this is a tribute to my former coworkers, not because they're skanks but because they liked the word)

2. Rice Pudding Vampire Lesbians (I'm sure it's obvious but this is a rap song)

3. Wine From a Box

4. I Have a Hole (This is a rock ballad, much like "High Enough" by The Damn Yankees or "Love Song" by Tesla.)

5. She Made Fun of My Nuts (That's not actually a euphemism for anything. I pulled a bag of mixed nuts out of my purse and everyone at the party made fun of me.)

6. Ode to Tito Manny (I have to be like that guy in the Blackeyed Peas who randomly points to his Filipino heritage,)

Anyway, I figure I'll write some press releases, since that is what I do, and organize some promotional events around Naughty Vuvla. Eventually, we'll offer our songs for pre-release purchase on iTunes and make enough to supersize that Value Meal like it's nobody's business. Word!