May 8, 2009

 

Naughty Vulva

Nahh I'm not being porny. That's my new band's name. If, by "new band" you mean "group of women who are not musically inclined with the exception of drunken karaoke and who have no actual intention of ever producing any music but damn making up fake song titles sure is fun." Which I do.

Incidentally, this is my plan. I am going to start blogging again and pretend I never left. I'm going to be that guy that slinks home from the strip joint, reeking of cigarette smoke, Designer Imposters "Channel No. 69" and Maker's Mark, with a hickey the size of a half dollar on his neck (heh I said "hickey"), and quietly slides into bed and pretends he didn't screw up royally. It's a good plan to me.

Anyway, my point is that I've started a band called Naughty Vulva, and these are the songs in order of non-release:

1. Skank (this is a tribute to my former co-workers, not because they're skanks but because they loved to use the word)

2. Rice Pudding Vampire Lesbians (I'm sure it's obvious but this is a rap song)

3. Wine From Her Box

4. I Have a Hole (this is a rock ballad, much like "High Enough" by The Damn Yankees or "Love Song" by Tesla)

5. She Made Fun of My Nuts (that's not actually a euphemism for anything. I pulled a bag of actual mixed nuts out of my purse and everyone made fun of me boo)

6. Ode to Tito Manny (have to be like that guy in the Blackeyed Peas who randomly points to his Filipino heritage)

Anyway, I figure I'll write some press releases, since that is what I do, and organize some promotional events around Naughty Vuvla. Eventually, we'll offer our songs for pre-release purchase on iTunes and eventually make enough to supersize that Value Meal like it's nobody's business. Word!

Posted by: Riss at 5:30 PM Email This Post --