Commercials, Dave Barry, Tort Law and Flying

Commercials, Dave Barry, Tort Law and Flying

I really like those Sprint PCS commercials. The Jimmy Shea one has been in my head for like a week..."I wonder who tried to call..." My favorite is the one where the woman's like "I ask her 'How are my kids' and she FLOURS my kids." Then they show her little kids all covered with flour. And the babysitter's like "But if I had been right, you would have come home and been like 'Why didn't you flour my kids??'" Funny as hell.

I went down for a smoke with Afrodite and Mo and it's unanimous, we are all irritated by Alicia Keys. I've never been able to get on the Alicia bandwagon, I'm like "That's okay guys, I'll just walk."

One of the best parts of the Winter Olympics was the fact that the Miami Herald sent Dave Barry to cover it, my favorite columnist. He wrote like 15 columns about it, as opposed to the usual once a week bit. Incidentally, here are the two things people should know about my weblog since people keep e-mailing me and asking. The words that aren't black are links. To leave a comment, just click on the word "comments." I know, simple really but you'd be surprised.

So another thing I heard on Howard this morning was that the families of two people who died on the same plane as Aaliyah (who I'm still sad about by the way) are suing the company that owns the plane, Aaliyah's record company AND her estate for money. Nice huh? That's just fucking beautiful really. I fail to see how her estate and record company would be liable in any way. The fault lies with the airplane company for hiring a pilot without a license AND with the pilot, whose job it was to make sure the plane wasn't overloaded. It wasn't the job of Aaliyah or any of her crew to determine and uphold the appropriate load capacity of the plane. Those responsibilities lie with the plane company and the pilot respectively. Sometimes it's just amazing what people will capitalize on for money. Is it just me or has anyone else realized that tort law in this country has gone out of control? It started with the 12 ill-educated people who sat on the jury of McDonalds Corp. vs. The Idiots Who Didn't Know Coffee Was Hot.

I can understand malpractice suits...I can even understand the people who are filing wrongful death suits against airlines for having such pathetic security. I mean come on now... everyone who's ever flown knows that prior to September 11, airline security consisted of a cursory glance at carryons and a quick glance to make sure your pager wasn't a bomb. But you could have had 50 lbs of C4 in your check-in and they wouldn't have known. Oh yeah and don't forget the big sign that said "Warning: It is a federal offense to make jokes about carrying weapons." Ooooooh, scary.

Incidentally, am I the only person who's still afraid to fly? My friends seem to be traipsing across the country like it's no big thing. Everyone always quotes that stupid statistic "more people die in car crashes than in airplanes" but if my bumper falls off it won't affect the ride. And people can always pull over if there's a serious problem. In addition, you can control who gets in your car. If Osama Bin Mohammed Atta Sayed Richard Reid Bin John Walker The American Taliban gets in my car I can always slam into an electrical pole on their side. No big deal. But what happens when you're in a plane and they have check-on luggage? I hate to sound all anti-democracy but I think all people who ride in planes should have their fingerprints run through Interpol before they're allowed to board. AND all check-in luggage should be turned inside out by human hands and bomb-sniffing dogs. AND I should have the option of paying extra money to personally interrogate every person on my flight. "Are you a terrorist?? I don't believe you. Get the fuck off my plane."

Back to tort law, I think it's out of control. Don't even get me started on that guy who got 7 billion dollars from the tobacco companies because he "didn't know cigarettes were bad for you." Excuse me? You didn't think inhaling a cloud of smoke would be detrimental to your health?? And now I have to pay an extra $1.50 per pack because of HIS fucking stupidity, because you know Big Tobacco doesn't care about these lawsuits. They'll just keep hiking the price of cigarettes to pay for it and soon people will be dealing smuggled international cigarettes on the street.

There should be a ceiling at least. Like they plaintiffs who win should get two million dollars tax-free over the cost of their estimated medical bills for the rest of their lives. Five, if they lost an arm due to some company's negligence or something. Two million dollars is enough for a person. You and your family could be set for life with 2 million dollars tax free. The problem with people these days are that they're greedy. Shit, give ME two million dollars. You'll never hear my ass complain again. Yeah yeah, that alone is worth it I know.