March 1, 2002



Kwame just sent me my "Article of the day." If I had written a longer Grammy wrap-up...okay if I had actually deigned to watch the Grammys my evening wrap-up would have looked exactly like this, verbatim. Except there would be more cursing. Want to hear something funny? "Yes" Okay, so Noble has come of an age where he is starting to repeat what people are saying. After hearing her 1-year-old son say "dammit" Net has decided to fine every person who says any variation of the word "fuck" one dollar. All I can say about this is... did I ever tell you guys about the time I gave up cursing for Lent? It would have been less of a struggle giving up...say....air or water or urinating. Me, Dennis and Jo had this thing going where anytime someone cursed they had to do 10 pushups on the spot. I tried to do the pushups as much as possible but STILL had a backlog of like 3,480 pushups. I would have been push-uping well into my 30's. Anyway so that was that. My point is, I don't have $3000 to give "The Noble Anti-Fux Jar" so I'm going to be gagging myself everytime he's in hearing distance. How else am I supposed to avoid this fine? Everyone who knows me knows that the most common phrases to escape my mouth are:

"Are you fucking kidding me?"
"That's fucking lovely."
"Fuck THAT shit."
"Are you a fucking idiot?"
"You're on fucking crack."

Oh and "Blow me" and "I swear to God, yo." But that doesn't count. You know what never fails to irritate me? People who say "Don't curse." Umm....... am I at work? Am I at church? Are there small children around? Are my parents here? No?????????? Then why don't you go fuck the hell off!!! No one's holding a gun to your fucking head and telling you to converse with me! I was just talking to you because I felt sorry for your pathetic ass, no-friends-having, "please don't curse"-because-I'm-a-fucknut self.

Nostalgia quote courtesy of Kwame referring to the latest Britney Spears video): "Is there a Grammy for 'Crap Song That Gets Heavy Rotation Because The Video Has People Licking Each Other In It?"

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