March 19, 2002

The 13th Warrior

The 13th Warrior

George made dinner for myself and Mike last night. It was highly sumptuous. He made steak, steamed fresh lobster, asparagus with Hollandaise sauce and creamy mashed potatoes. It was amazing. Afterwards we watched The 13th Warrior which is a movie based on Michael Crichton's book "Eaters of the Dead." Antonio Banderas stars semi-belivably as a displaced Arab amongst Vikings. But I guess they had no choice really... they needed a marquee name to headline and that effectively excluded all three Arab actors in the United States.

What's fun is that Banderas can't act and so at crucial points in the movie his facial expression looks like he's thinking something else versus the emotion he's supposed to be portraying. Take that part in the beginning of the movie, when the dead king's funeral pyre is torched with the virgin sacrifice calling out "Lo there do I see my father, lo there do I see my mother and my sisters and my brothers." Banderas is supposed to look sad and yet understanding that something momentous is taking place... something rare that will eventually fade from existence because it is the rite of the old way. Instead Banderas looks like he's upset that they're torching a prime piece of ass.

You know in the old days in certain regions, if a husband died the wife was expected to throw herself on his funeral pyre otherwise she and her entire family would be in disgrace. Like if she didn't do it her parents would lament "How could we have raised her so poorly?? His pyre was burning so slowly and yet she never threw herself on it.. never joined her living body with his smoldering one in eternal paradise. Oh the shame!! How will I ever be able to hold my head up at the country club??" You know my ass would have been like "You want me to throw myself where or I'll be disgraced??.....PAYCE!! I'll just go live in America....How now brown cow?"

Back to the movie The 13th Warrior:

I wanted them to throw in random Chris Rock-esque lines like when one of the Vikings says "All women and children... barely a man here between 15 and 50" it would have been funny if someone replied "Phat yo... the hoes'll be on us like flies on honey." One of the Vikings also said "A child could follow this trail... they have no fear of us at all." To which George replied to the TV "Because you're food."

I make fun of it but I actually really like the movie. I ended up hightailing it onto which is having a sale on all DVDs... PLUS free shipping. I love free shipping!! Anyway I ended up buying 8 DVDs for about 12 bucks apiece. Which ones you say? I forget... I think I bought The 13th Warrior, Mortal Kombat, Like Water For Chocolate, Bad Boys, Outbreak, Transformers: The Movie Special Edition, Romeo and Juliet and Labyrinth. My DVD collection is blowing up with a quickness. The secret to increasing your DVD collection without breaking the bank is to purchase them previously-viewed from Blockbuster. I got Tomb Raider there for like 9 bucks.

Ironically, George almost set Prometheus the Mouse on fire last nite when he cut him off from all escape routes by turning all 4 gas ranges on. Those of you who are familiar with Greek mythology will get the irony. Anyway, Prometheus was frightened at first but then steeled his courage and went through the fire to safety. George let him go... you have to give credit where credit is due.

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