April 26, 2002

"Cuz It's Friday...You Ain't Got No Job... And You Ain't Got Shit To Do!!"

"Cuz It's Friday...You Ain't Got No Job... And You Ain't Got Shit To Do!!"

Our apartment building had an impromptu bar outing last night... some of the guys from the band, our neighbor Spoon and me and Geo. We went to Oddfellows in Hoboken which at first was wack, but then they started playing some dope tunes. Or we got drunker. Whichever. Anyway they played "The Humpty Dance" by Digital Underground, "Around The Way Girl" by LL and "Set Adrift On Memory Bliss Of You" by P.M. Dawn. Spoon was scoping the place for chicks so I told him to point one out and I would pick her up for him. He didn't find any that really interested him so he settled on some chick playing darts. We got up close and he wasn't that impressed but it was slim pickings. The girl was already talking to two guys so I'm like "Yo can you please pick a girl that's only talking to ONE guy? I can cockblock one guy easily but TWO is a bit more challenging." The girl had no personality though, so we moved away with a quickness.

It was pretty noisy in there and we all had to shout to converse. Geo was by the bar and Steve says "Can you get me a Guinness?" Geo turns around and says "Did you just ask me to give you a kiss?" I was like "Hmmm...iiiiinnnnteresting." And of course they were grossed out. Because society dictates that it's okay for men to want to see two girls kiss but it's deviant and disgusting for me to want to see two guys kiss.

I met my smoking crew outside our building and Drew and Afro were joking around about a foursome with their respective significant others. I asked Drew if he was going to mess around with the guy as well and he looks at me like I had just asked him if he was planning to dismember kittens. The double standard here is astounding. Incidentally, in my opinion (in case anyone wants it) it's not a legitimate three or foursome if the guys are planning to avoid each other all night.

I had a lunch date with Albie today so I took the Hudson/Bergen Light Rail on over to Newport. In case you're wondering why it's called the light rail, my guess would be that it's because the "train" sits lightly on these dinky pseudo-rails. Which means a strong breeze could cause it to tip over. The PeopleMover at Disneyland is more reassuring than this thing. On my way to the restaurant I walked by a bunch of construction workers sitting on a bench and one of them yelled "YESSS!!!!! Konichiwa!!" I turned around and replied "I'm not Japanese you fucking idiot." I'm not going to make generalizations about construction workers though because a minute later another construction worker passed me and said "Miss, that's a lovely coat." So Albie and I ate at this place called "Komegashi Too" which was the sister restaurant of "Komegashi" which is by my work. Yeah, the people around my work got cheated. This other restaurant is MUCH better than the ghetto one by me. Their food was of a much higher quality AND they had a dessert menu. I had the "Green Tea Creme Brulee" which was amazing. I could not believe how good this dessert was. If someone came up to me and said you can either have Jason Mamoa as your slave for life or you can eat this Green Tea Creme Brulee every day and not get obese, I'd have a seriously difficult decision to make. Lunch with Albie was awesome, we hadn't seen each other in years. Don't you just love your friends that you can not see for a long time but when you do it's like you just saw them yesterday?? By the way, congratulations Albie, on your recent engagement. I wish you and Mimi well and am looking forward to the day when we get to see little Albies running around. Oh and congrats to Mike the Firefighter on his new (day) job at Mercedes. By the way, this is the one I want.

So Paul just e-mailed me some pics and apparently this is what bathing suits look like in Japan. I swear Japan and Germany are insane with their release of repression. German porn is filled with excretion and Japanese porn is... well it's REALLY disgusting. Like "Faces of Death" disgusting. Think about it... they're both ex-WW2 aggressors... and they both have the most deviant pornography in the entire world. Coinky-dink? I think not. Yeah yeah I know... you men all think that bathing suit is the greatest invention since the printing press.

Message Board Exchange of the Day: Ben said he thinks if they sent me, him and Dean out to the Middle East as part of some diplomatic endeavor that we'd accidentally start World War III. I concurred and posted what my idea of our trip would be like:

Ben: "So Mr. Arab Leader, your contention is that the Israelis were responsible for September 11th and thus we should support your desire to eradicate them?"
Riss: "Before you do that can you wait until May 11th because one of my co-workers who I hate is flying into Tel Aviv on the 10th."
Dean: "What does this button do?" *push*

5:!2 p.m. edit: Me, Paul, M Pip and Jim just got reprimanded by the Chief Marketing Officer for discussing "fluffers" in the workplace. I guess it was my fault really, because I misunderstood something Paul had said to Melanie and after I asked him if he just called her a fluffer, he asked what a fluffer was. So I had to tell him. He blushes (which I'm sure he'll deny) and goes back to his desk. Three minutes later I'm walking by and M Pip calls out "Hey what's a fluffer?" Paul asks Jim if he knows what one is and Jim says he does. Paul doesn't believe him and I jokingly ask Jim out for drinks to find out what else he knows about the porn industry (to which Jim replies he'll go if there will be fluffing involved). Paul then believes that Jim knows what a fluffer is, so Jim elucidates for M Pip, while I stand there laughing like a loon. At that point our CMO came out and chastised us. It's Friday at 5... of course the conversation is going to degenerate. Incidentally, a fluffer is the chic that orally maintains a male porn star's "state of readiness" during breaks in the filming.

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