May 14, 2002

Random Crap

Random Crap

Article of the day: (courtesy of Dale) "Controversial Wests Tigers winger John Hopoate has been suspended for 12 weeks after being found guilty by the NRL Judiciary of poking his fingers up the anuses of three North Queensland players. Accused of one of the most bizarre charges in the history of rugby league, or sport in general for that matter of fact, Hopoate was officially found guilty of 'unsportsmanlike interference'."

I also really enjoyed Dave Barry's column today, and not just because the topic of "swingers" fascinates me. But not as much as the topic of "fluffers."

Anyway today is just going to be another one of those babbling days (you know, like the previous 8700 days of my life) so if you're not in the mood, please vacate the premises immediately. I am so sleepy right now it's ridiculous. Paul and I had Japanese for lunch today and I don't know what it is about Japanese food but everytime I eat it I feel like sleeping right after. Maybe next time I'm being an insomniac instead of popping some Nyquil I'll just eat a California Roll.

On the way back to our building Paul threw a quarter on the roof of the post office which is around 3 stories high and felt immeasurably proud of himself. He handed me a quarter and my meager attempt went a little over halfway. In my defense, I can't throw anything light for shit. I need heavier objects that can withstand wind velocity. After my second attempt Paul took his quarter back because he said I was "embarrassing it." Bastard. Incidentally, I've decided I'm going to refer to what were previously referred to by me as "skank ass hoes" as "demonic sluts." Don't ask me why, I just like it. Now I need a new replacement for "bastard."

The company that acquired mine has initiated the "integration process" which is hysterical because there really is no integration involved. They just want to find out as many of our secrets and practices as possible before they liquidate the entire company and take our accounts. Vultures. Yet they're all very polite vultures, after all they hail from Omaha, Nebraska whose state motto is "A smile a day keeps the locusts away from your corn."

My turtles Michelangelo and Donatello are doing fine, but maybe I should rename them because one always seems to be mounting the other. Either I should rename one "Donatella" or the names are accurate but my turtles belong in West Hollywood and wear men's capri pants.

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