May 29, 2002

Miss Universe Preview

Miss Universe Preview

I have to do it... I was scrolling through the Miss Universe pageant contestants and I have to watch it tonight. I'm not even going to begin to play pseudo-intellectual and say I didn't enjoy watching these when I was young. I guess I'll flip back and forth between the Nets game or tape the pageant or something. Excitement!! I haven't seen one of these in like a zillion years. Donald Trump is such a sleazy bastard it tainted it for me once he took over.

I have some initial thoughts and favorites as I scroll through the pics but that might change once I see them on TV:

Favorites so far: Miss Thailand, Miss Greece, Miss Spain (who looks like a Spanish version of my friend Rachel), Miss Russia, Miss Jamaica, Miss India, Miss Curacao and Miss South Africa.

Miss Costa Rica is pretty but I don't know if she's going to win because of that whole Jurassic Park public relations fiasco.

Miss Japan looks anorexic... she makes Calista Flockhart look like a Kentucky-fried-chicken-eating cow.

I wonder if Miss Israel is going to box with Miss Egypt backstage. The Palestinians tried to send a contestant but Donald Trump was afraid she would have a suicide bomb in her platform stilettos.

Miss Malaysia is cute.
Miss Sweden's first name is "Malou" and she kinda looks part Filipina.
Miss South Korea looks like Kuen's (girl)friend, Moon.
Miss Egypt is awful and I think Miss Slovenia's birth name was "Michael"...
Miss Philippines has a bangin body but her face is ummmm....
Miss Germany looks like a fun chic to throw tequila shots back with.
Miss China is a complete disappointment. Remind me to write the Chinese government a letter and let them know that maybe if they stopped drowning their daughters they would have a larger selection and could send a decent looking woman to the Miss Universe Pageant.

This is a shameless ploy by Miss USA's camp for sympathy votes....

Why is Miss Germany's national costume a fruit-wearing butterfly?? I'd be more convinced if it was a swastika-emblazoned fruit-wearing butterfly. Just kidding. I know, I know... Germany's a "nice" country now.

Shouldn't there be a limit on regional entries? Like all these little islands and former Republics?? There's a Miss Jamaica, a Miss Aruba, a Miss Haiti, a Miss Dominican Republic, a Miss Cayman, a Miss U.S. Virgin Islands, a Miss British Virgin Islands, a Miss Bahamas... I don't even know where Northern Marianas is... am I to infer that there is a Miss Southern Marianas in here as well?

I'm a little surprised by Mexico and Venezuela's entries this year... they're usually perenial favorites along with Brazil, Chile and Italy.

This should be interesting. You know the winner has to be someone apolitical. A neutral country like Switzerland or something. I keep hearing all about Switzerland's alleged neutrality but don't they store the most terrorist money of all the countries?? The Swiss motto should be "We're neutral because we sleep in EVERYONE'S bed!!" Anyone wanna place bets on the number of suicide bombings that will occur in Tel Aviv if Miss Israel wins?? Or Miss USA?? I think the only "questionable" country I saw represented was Egypt so no worries there. Woof!!

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