May 31, 2002

The Brawl at the Taj Mahal, Asian Restaurants, Old Filipina Women and Knicks Tickets

*This post is being updated and edited even as you read...I keep forgetting shit. Okay no it's not, I'm tired of it already.*

The Brawl at the Taj Mahal, Asian Restaurants, Old Filipina Women and Knicks Tickets

I woke up pretty early this morning and ended up catching most of the pre-show for Howard's "The Brawl at Taj Mahal" between Stuttering John and Crazy Cabbie. It sounded like quite the circus there. Tabitha Stevens (the porn star) provided my favorite quote of the morning. Artie mentioned he had just seen her banging 4 guys in his hotel room, on TV. She asked him which one it was and he replied "The Sopornos" (By the way, the best porn title I've ever heard is "Shaving Ryan's Privates.") So Howard asked her who she played and she said "I don't know. We made up the dialogue as we went along." My friend once told me that porns actually have scripts that they're supposed to follow. I'm wondering why they would actually spend money on a scriptwriter who's just going to regurgitate the dialogue that appears in every porn ("Oh....yes...give it to me...YES YES YES!!!!") when they can use that extra $4 to get another fluffer. Another interesting quote was made by some KKK Grand Master Dragon King or whatever they're called. He said that the white people in the crowd thought the same things he did, but that they were too afraid to say it. I believe his exact quote was, "All white men are racist but they're cowards." I actually think ALL people can be racist, regardless of their skin color. It's a human flaw, as much as the need for self-preservation is a human trait. I'm not defending racism, I'm just saying it's inherent in human nature to fear or even dislike what you don't know or understand. And it's not something limited to white people. The majority of racist slurs directed at me in the last few years have mainly been from non-white people. Anyway, I don't consider myself a racist. I hate all of you really. There isn't one race, religion, economic class or other group of people that doesn't have issues. Anyway Stuttering John won even though he's 8 inches shorter and 90 lbs lighter than Cabbie. 80-pound weaklings all over the world are rejoicing.

So what was my next topic of conversation...let me scroll up to the title. Ah yes... the service at Asian restaurants. I'm not talking about those swanky Asian restaurants where you pay $30 for two egg rolls and half a cup of hot and sour soup. I'm talking about restaurants in Chinatown like Hop-Kee and Filipino "turo-turo" places in Jersey City. Warning: the next three paragraphs are pretty venomous because I need to get rid of my angst. There is NO WORSE SERVICE than the service you get at one of these places. NONE. There are restaurants in the Congo serving human flesh on a fig leaf that have better service than these restaurants. If you ask them for anything they didn't bring you that they should have (say for instance... SILVERWARE) they get pissed like you asked them to lick your feet while you ate. If they fuck the dish up and accidentally give you the wrong one, they INSIST that this "Pickled Cow Testicle In Oyster Sauce" is what you ordered.

I was at Little Quiapo in Jersey City yesterday (which I will never patronize again, so they just lost one of their four customers) and the middle-aged woman who serves the food you pick out made us wait for over 7 minutes while she chit-chatted with some guy about the Miss Universe pageant. We're standing there, waiting and she is leaning on the counter watching us and talking to this guy. If I hadn't pointedly interrupted her she would have left us there for another 10. Like many other cultures, Filipinos are taught from birth to show respect to their elders. But I came pretty close to saying "fuck it" and knocking her ass out right there. "Try not to choke on your fake teeth you dumb bitch." As it was we just walked out. 25 years of good breeding is kind of hard to break, even when the old bag deserves it. We ended up eating at "Fiesta Grill" which has better food anyway. The sauce for their Chicken Tinola was perfect. But I met another trifling ass old Filipina woman there too. Some woman was sitting with her little daughter and I smiled at her and said "I'm sorry to bother you but may I ask what you're eating?" It looked good (it was Batchoy by the way which is delicious). The witch looks me up and down nastily as if I had just offered to sell her daughter to the highest bidder and snaps out the name of the dish. Dumb ass cunt. Yeah I said it. Worst thing is, she's teaching her daughter to be just like her. Pinays: You know that Filipina chick that walked by and looked at you like your 34A/B breasts were implants?? Yeah, that woman is what her mother is like. Pinoys: Ever wonder why your mother hates your girlfriend? It's because you're not banging your sister.

90% of old Filipina women HATE all young and semi-attractive Filipina women that aren't their daughters. As in DESPISE, LOATHE and DETEST. Yes, I am implying that I am young and attractive. You got a problem with that?? I'm just praying that I don't become that trifling when I get older. I'm hoping not because my Mom is the sweetest person in the entire world, as are her sister and cousins. My Dad's sister is also nice and all of them are super-wonderful to all the beautiful Filipinas that come visit me or visit with me when I go back to L.A. If I end up being half as wack as the older Filipina women I described earlier, I hope my daughter bitchslaps me across the face to Net puts it) "knock the triflin' out" of me. Net is an expert on the subject of older Filipina women.

My friend Mark just e-mailed me to let me know he was moving to Los Angeles in mid-July. It's funny that he did because I was thinking about him this morning. I emptied out one of my old purses and found a ticket stub for a Knicks game he and his wife had taken me and Mike to in October. At least I think it was Mike. Anyway, this morning I was looking over the ticket and realized for the first time that it cost $210. They were pretty good seat's Mark's wife had gotten from her work, but still. $210 dollars to watch (from the second level) a team that went 30-52 last season. It's a crazy, crazy world.

One of the commercials for Howard this morning was for The Sum of All Fears. Normally at the end of these radio commercials The Action/Drama Movie Trailer Guy says something like "This movie is rated R for adult content." But this time he was like "This movie is rated R for violence, disaster images, drug content and strong language." Wow... thanks for the tip. Now I'll definitely go see it. "Disaster images"??? People always talk about the psychological impacts of the post-September 11th world but I think this indicates a pretty big one. Imagine being so mentally fragile as a result of September 11th that you need to know whether a movie contains "images of disaster" before you actually see it. That sucks big, huge cockroach. Anyway does anyone know who The Action/Drama Movie Trailer Guy actually is? Has anyone else noted that every action or drama movie trailer is narrated by what sounds like the same person, and every comedy or kid's movie trailer is narrated by a different person? Do those two guys get paid big bucks to do it? Is it even the same two guys or is it like 200 guys, all of whom sound like one or the other?? Just wondering. It could be like that guy Michael something or other who did his patented "Let's get ready to rumble" at this morning's fight. He was one of my sister's teachers in junior high school and he gets paid mad crazy benjamins to bellow those 5 words. He even leaves right after he does it so he got paid all that money to fly out and yell for 8 seconds. Doesn't that make you feel better about your job??

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