July 25, 2002

The Day After

The Day After

One day I'm going to write a book about some of the more idiotic experiences I've had while hung over. In fact, I'm going to postpone this post and go lie on my bed and groan. I called up my boss this morning and asked if I could take today as a "vacation day" since I have a surplus of them and he's been telling me to take them since we're not allowed to do anything at the office anymore anyway. So today is a vacation day. A vacation from being able to listen to loud noises without flinching and being able to eat anything other than plain toast apparently.

4:00 p.m. -- Okay I feel much better.

I found a steak in the fridge that didn't look too appetizing anymore (freezer burn) so I defrosted it, cut the bone off, fried it up and gave it to Bailey. I even marinated it in herbs and sauces. The rest of the steak I just tossed. In retrospect, I should have cut the bone off right after the steak was defrosted, then saved the rest of it for George's piranhas (piranhas? piranha? piranhi?) I'm a dork. In my defense however, Bailey really enjoyed his treat. And it got me back in his good graces. I was the one in the figurative doghouse earlier, because I made him sleep in his crate last night. He woke up pissed as hell at me. I had to though. It's hard to have a puppy running loose in the room when you've just come home from a long night at the bar. You lack the ability to chase him when he's running around with your favorite sandal in his mouth.

Girlie says if I wrote a book about my drunken experiences it would be a bestseller, but I just think it'd be a reaaaalllllly looooooong book.

Right now I'm playing spades online at Yahoo. People really take this seriously. I don't know why. I can understand taking the game seriously in real life, God knows I do... as Tony and others can attest to firsthand. But on Yahoo, the rules are wack (they don't use Jokers or the 2 of Diamonds) and you don't really have to pay attention that much to what's been played because you can go back and check who threw what. And you can't go blind except "blind nil." And "nil" annoys me anyway, because I've never really played it. I don't think they use it in Newark or JC. I think it's a rule that white people created, to be like "shooting for the moon" in Hearts. I don't really think anyone else uses "nil" in Spades. The only people I knew that did were Joanne's roommates in college, all of whom were white. Okay no more deconstructing the socio-geographical derivatives of spades rules.

Damn I went off on a tangent. My whole point in mentioning spades was that some guy I was playing against said "American beer is like making love in a canoe... it's fucking close to water." I thought that was pretty amusing. However, when I asked him where he was from he said "The Holy Land" and I thought they don't have "spirits" there. Then again we know even religious fundamentalists are often masking a desire for decadence. Take the 9/11 hijackers. My girl used to waitress at a strip joint in the city called "Flashdancers" and she served one of the hijackers a few days prior to the tragedy. She said he would order a beer, drink half then order another one. She said he consumed a huge quantity of beer. Doesn't sound very pious to me. Shouldn't he have been praying or something? And according to the hotel manager, the hijackers who hung out in Florida spent their days on the balcony ogling women in bikinis and in strip clubs. Doesn't sound very pious either. In fact, it sounds distinctly unpious (unpious? nonpious? pietyless?) YES!! That's another tangent. That makes two in one post. I'm on a roll.

Speaking of unpious, one of the drug dealers who live in the apartment building across the street (Geo calls it "Puerto Rico" for obvious reasons) is puking in my driveway. How pleasant. I guess third quarter profits aren't looking to meet the analysts' predictions. He shouldn't have diversified and added hashish and opium to his offerings. Too much risk and not enough potential for quality return. We do live in America after all, not Afghanistan and Somalia. Americans like pot, esctasy, coke, heroin, crack and crystal meth. Even demand for PCP and acid is on the decline. The revenue he'll bring in for those bi-weekly hashish sales to the occasional Somalian tourist won't cover his expenditures, namely importing and preserving. He probably just took a look at the most recent analyst reports and realized his shareholders were going to vilify him for taking such an investment risk. That's why he's puking in my driveway.

Hey, Billy Madison is on....I love this movie!! My favorite part is during the Jeopardy-type game in the end when the host tells Adam Sandler that what he just said made absolutely no sense whatsoever and that "Everyone in the room is dumber for having listened to it." Hahahahahaha oh man... funny as hell.