Gayometer

I checked the Gayometer and I am 53% gay which means I am a "happy and well-adjusted hetero babe." It's good they didn't ask "Would you sleep with Angelina Jolie even though she's Billy Bob's leavings" because then my 53% would be a tad bit higher. Actually, I'm slowly climbing off my Angelina kick. I think I should stick to Shannyn Sossamon instead. She seems cleaner. And not just because she is sans vial-filled-with-Billy-Bob's-blood.

Oh my god... someone at my work is listening to "I Got You Babe" by Sonny and Cher. Willingly. Like she isn't tied down or anything (because wow, what kind of workplace would that be...) I can't believe her hands can reach the speakers to turn the volume down and yet they're not. Okay now she's singing along. Isn't there some kind of "anti-torture clause" in the Employer's Constitution? My ears are trying to crawl inside themselves.

This For Sale ad is hysterical. Someone on the message board I go to said that to calculate a guy's maturity level you take his age and divide it by 2, then add 5 years. Funny as hell!! I applied this formula to a bunch of guys I know at the office and it actually worked. The number I came up with is the number I would have placed their maturity level at. Paul and I just had the most surreal conversation about him lusting after the chick that played Six on that old show Blossom. I think he just single-handedly affirmed that whole maturity thing. It's weird to think of a 26-year old man lusting after Six (unless you count pedophiles), but if you apply the whole divide by two and add 5 thing... it's perfectly okay for an 18-year-old guy to.

The newest Dave Barry column is funny. Why do we buy designer water? We're such sheep.

Dennis is deliberately keeping me on the phone right now when he knows I want to go, because he knows how annoyed I get when that happens. People are so sadistic!! When I want to get off the phone just let me go. Stop with the "Okay so I'll call you when...." and the "So take care and...." ARRRGGHHHH just let me off!!! He's laughing at me now. I'm hanging up. Then he's going to call me back and tell me I'm throwing attitude.

I need to take a break. I need to answer the 50 "I'm so bored" e-mails I just got from random people in the last 10 minutes.