August 13, 2002


So I've decided to write a book. I figure, I'm going to have a ridiculous amount of time to myself after my company shuts down into oblivion, so I might as well do something productive. And by "productive" I mean something that yields positive and useful results. I do not mean sitting on my balcony with some beer (watching the drug dealers brawl) or sleeping 18 hours a day or watching Spaceballs for the 537th time this year.

But it's hard to try and write my book while I'm at work, namely because of all the interruptions from my co-workers. You know, work-related questions like "My time is almost up... what is this word?" and "What was your highest score in Collapse?" and "Have you tried the mini-golf game Dave sent around yet?" So while I'm at work I go through the millions of joke e-mails people send me (namely my aunt) in the hopes of finding a reason to giggle in this time of impending unemployment. This was today's:

Four Steps to a Man's Happy Marriage...

1. It is important to find a woman who cooks and cleans.

2. It is important to find a woman who makes good money.

3. It is important to find a woman who likes to have sex.

4. It is important that these three women never meet.

Mike the Firefighter sent me a text message about a week ago and I could sense his fear: "There is a women so fat and ugly here looking over that if she approaches I am saying I am happily gay." Men are so superficial. What if she's fat and ugly but really sweet and caring? What if her sense of humor makes you laugh for hours? What if she's really smart and makes a ton of money?? Okay, I'll talk in terms men can comprehend. What if she can suck the dimples off a golf ball??

I am so bummed out right now. I have a hotmail account that I use mainly for storage and I forgot to access it this month. If you don't go into your account for 30 days Hotmail wipes it clean and deactivates it. Godammit. So now I'm pissed off but the only person I have to blame is myself for being so fucking irresponsible, which pisses me off even more. I had some nice letters in there. Okay, I better get over it or I'm going to sit at my desk and bitch all day long.

Okay I have to go get some food, that always cheers me up...


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