Am I the only person that gets a kick out of reading the negative feedbacks on Ebay? I wish they had an option that lets you go to someone's negative feedback right away. But then again I guess this would really only benefit the perverse, like myself. The best is when they respond to the negative feedback with snide comments. That always elicits a quick giggle. So anyway, I want to buy a violin and know next to nothing about what I should be looking for. Any violinists reading this that could give me a few pointers? Like I know I shouldn't be dropping money on a Stradavari or anything. That much is obvious. If I had a minimum of $200,000 to blow on a violin I wouldn't be sitting here typing this. I'd be on my yacht, making paper airplanes out of my thousand-dollar bills and ignoring you all. Just kidding.
The people who bought my apartment building just came through for their final walk-through before the real estate deal goes through. It's been cracking us up because they don't know it yet but they're going to HATE living here. Between the drug dealers and prostitutes on our corner, the car thief ring that targets our block with regularity, the idiot hoodlums who congregate across the street and beat on people all day long, the ambulances that go by with their sirens blaring at all hours of the night, the dog that barks nonstop for hours every weekend morning, the car accidents that occur on our intersection every other day and just the crappy quality of life in our area in general... yeah. They're going to hate it here. Oh well, they kind of deserve to if they were stupid enough to buy this building. I didn't even start on the problems with the building itself, namely the lack of insulation (it gets over 100 degrees inside our apartment during the summer and hits like 3 degrees in the winter), all the noisy creaking and animals in the attic and the rodent problem. Don't get me wrong, the apartments themselves are roomy and very aesthetically pleasing. Which is probably what they based their decision to purchase, on which makes them completely deserving of having made a truly bad investment. I wish I could see the looks on their faces the first time they see the drug dealers or prostitutes engaging in their respective trades right in their driveway. It would provide shits and giggles for a solid hour.
For my next Top 5 list, I decided to challenge myself a bit:
Top 5 Movies With A Baldwin In It
1. The Usual Suspects (Stephen)
2. Backdraft (Billy, in the only movie I've ever heard of that he's been in besides the very horrible Sliver and Flatliners)
3. The Hunt For Red October (Alec)
4. Threesome (Stephen)
5. Pearl Harbor (Alec)
This was a difficult list to do. I didn't even like Pearl Harbor and it's on the list. The collective filmography of the 4 Baldwin brothers (yes, there are actually 4 who are "actors") reads like a movie viewing list for the deaf, dumb and blind. I've never seen such a list of crappy movies. Well, maybe I'm not being fair. I haven't even heard of about 60% of them so maybe they're actually good, underrated movies. Nahhh. Geo thought Alec Baldwin was Billy Baldwin and Stephen Baldwin's dad which cracked me up for a good 2 minutes. Hey... last I checked, George W. Bush was our President. Doesn't that mean that Alec Baldwin should be living in Canada, as he threatened to do during the election if W won. Seems to me that was a verbal contract with America that he's reneged on. Meanwhile Canada's like "No!!! Don't come here!! What did we ever do to you???"
We just came back from China Buffet in Hazlet, New Jersey. It's quite a trek south but well worth it. For $11.50 you can eat until you suffocate on the amount of food you consumed. Looking down at my stomach I was like "I'm pregnant with a baby made out of fried shrimp dipped in sweet and sour sauce, barbequed chicken drumettes, shrimps in cream sauce, cheese won tons, garlic sauteed string beans, baked salmon, hot and sour soup, mashed potatoes, california rolls, egg drop soup, snow crab legs, egg custards, lychees with soybean jello and General Tso's chicken." Incidentally, who the hell is General Tso anyway? If I were him I wouldn't exactly be flattered that I was more known for my prowess in the kitchen than on the battlefield. I was so full I felt like I was high. Not that I would know what that feels like (in case Mom and Dad are reading this).
Geo and I were so stuffed we needed to go recover somewhere, so we ambled slowly around the K-mart across the street from the restaurant for awhile. That self-checkout thing really weirds me out. If you think about it, K-Mart stores are normally found in areas whose demographic is comprised of people who are relatively non-wealthy. Rich people don't give a crap about the Blue Light Special. So why would they think a speedy checkout station based on the honor system is a good idea? I'm not saying lower income people are thieves, just that they have more of a need to save money than rich people. Poor people always have somewhere their money could have gone instead. Rich people think nothing of paying $22.00 for an 8-ounce bottle of shampoo so they normally don't gravitate towards cheapy stores like K-mart. Then again, I should probably take everything I said back. Winona Ryder has more money than most Third World countries and she got caught stealing. Don't worry, I paid for all my purchases. You're not going to see me in jail over doggie poop bags and some Martha Stewart Living towels.
Last night me, Geo, Pete, Angelo and their friend Dave went to some random pool hall in Hackensack where I played the worst pool of my life. I played like 7 games straight and only sank about one ball per game. Louis is going to tell me that's what I get for playing without him. But he's in Dallas and my cue stick isn't that long. Too many jokes.
My final Top 5 list for the night:
Top 5 Movies I'm Embarassed To Admit I Like To People Who Have Eyes Or Ears
1. She's All That -- I don't like this movie dammit. But I keep watching it. I'm either lying to myself or lying to you guys.
2. Robin Hood: Men In Tights -- That mole on Prince John's face is in a different place everytime they show him. I'm laughing out loud just thinking about it.
3. Titanic -- Christ, I can't even believe I'm actually documenting this.
4. Earth Girls Are Easy -- Does anyone remember this movie? Jeff Goldblum, Geena Davis, Damon Wayans, Jim Carrey and Julie Brown that psycho MTV chic were in it. This movie got destroyed by critics. They weren't able to get even one slightly good quote for their advertisements. It bombed so bad in the theatres that I saw it the week it came out and me and my friend Jenny were the only two people in the theatre.
5. It Takes Two -- I saved the best for last... this movie has the Olsen Twins in it for God's sake. And as if that wasn't bad enough, it also has Kirstie Alley. What the hell is wrong with me? I need professional help. Grass is green. Sky is blue.
She's All That and Titanic... I feel like such a teenybopper. Then again, I'm walking around my apartment in a lilac tank top, baggy blue jeans, furry lilac slippers and my hair is in pigtails. Net just told me I look like I stepped out of a Britney Spears video. No wonder they card me when I buy lottery tickets.