American Idol

American Idol

This has nothing to do with the show but last night I had a crazy dream that I was a cop and partners with that hot black detective in Law and Order. Weird thing was he kept turning into a fat white guy but still had the same facial features. Okay Freud, analyze that one.

American Idol was on tonight and once again I watched it, because I have sadomasochistic tendencies. Overall the remaining three competitors are good singers but not as good when one considers they're supposed to be the best of the best. Fantasia's voice in particular irks me. I'd rather listen to nails being raked down a chalkboard while someone else scrapes a fork across a china plate. While I definitely think she is the most talented, it's like me saying that out of a one-legged man, a dead chipmunk and a piece of cheese, the one-legged man is the fastest. I have nightmares of the future, when Fantasia releases her first single and I'll be forced to listen to her Donald Duck impersonation every time I turn on the radio or television. As for Diana, someone should have told her 5 weeks ago that a) tight clothes do not flatter her b) "enthusiasm" doesn't mean screaming every note and c) she can't dance so stop moving around the stage, just stand still.

I have no idea how Jasmine is still in the competition, other than that some people in America must have been just as annoyed as I am by the other two. You have to give her credit though, regardless of how she sings the judges trash her and yet she still tries. Most 16-year-olds would be crying before they could even grab the mic. Imagine if Britney, Christina, Mandy Moore and Jessica Simpson had to go through the ordeal of being judged after performing poorly. Jasmine gets no love from me though, with her bizarre facial expressions and "I'm a mix of Spanish, Chinese and Filipino" bullshit. We saw your parents. You're straight up Filipina. Stop frontin.

I want Latoya back. Where is Latoya. This competition blows.

Well they all seem like nice people though so I don't have a preference for who I think should win. I just wish I could call in and vote off the judges, who have got to be the three most annoying people in the history of annoying people. Paula Abdul, Simon Cowell and Randy Jackson need to be shipped off to my special island with the other reality TV people I despise, so I can finally shut the harbor down and firebomb it. Just have to make sure they take Ryan Seacrest with them. Could they lick Diana and Fantasia's ass any more? Diana is only 16, it is illegal for them to be rim jobbing her as much as they have been. If they keep sticking their tongue in her ass every time she opens her mouth she's going to ditch her singing career and become a porn star.