Intellectual Conversations About Movies

Intellectual Conversations About Movies

Mike J came over last night to hang out and as usual we ended up on the subject of movies he hasn't watched.

Mike: I didn't know who Cuba Gooding Jr. was until that one movie that made him famous.
Me: But this movie we're watching came out after Jerry Maguire.
Mike: I've never seen Jerry Maguire.
Me: But you said the movie that made him famous. That was Jerry Maguire.
Mike: No, the other one, the one that launched his career.
Me: Hello, he won an Oscar for Jerry Maguire.
Mike: Okay launched his career for me then.
Me: What movie was that?
Geo: Men of Honor? Pearl Harbor?
Mike: No that other one, with Robin Williams.
Me: Huh?
Geo: Oh I know which movie that is... Riss, the one I saw when I was high.
Me: Wait... you mean What Dreams May Come?
Mike: Yeah!!!
Me: That's the movie that made you realize who Cuba Gooding Jr. was? That's the movie you think launched his career??
Mike: Yeah..
Me: The movie that like 3 people saw, one of whom was George because he was high?
Mike: Um, yeah.
Me: Okay that is not right. That's like knowing who Val Kilmer is not because you saw Top Gun but because you saw At First Sight.

Mike is that guy that girls know they can get away with dragging to chick flicks. I never understood why guys get suckered into seeing movies they have no interest in. It's pretty simple really.

Girl: Do you want to watch How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days with me on Friday?
Guy: Nope.
Girl: Why not?
Guy: Because you can do that with your female friends.
Girl: So?
Guy: Call me for the shit you can't get from your girls, like a good banging.

Just kidding. No really, I am. Of course you guys should continue to endure chick flicks. How else are women to know you really "like spending time with them" (want to get in their pants.) I'm not a huge fan of this genre but I can swing a top five list:

My Five Favorite Chick Flicks
1. Simply Irresistible
2. Steel Magnolias
3. Never Been Kissed
4. Ever After
5. Honey (although can it really be called a chick flick if it's got a hottie like Jessica Alba wearing skimpy ass clothes in it?)

Tonight, I was in the car with Tony and Geo and I mentioned these cornfield mazes that have become kind of popular. There's one in south Jersey so I suggested we check it out...

Geo AND Tony (simultaneously): Oh hell fucking no!! Haven't you seen Children of the Corn???
Me: Actually, I haven't. So I guess that's a no on the cornfield maze?

Then later on at home...

Me (feeling this sentence calls for finger quotes): Okay, who are these children and why are they "of the corn?"
Tony: They're these evil children who hung out in a cornfield and prayed to the devil.
Me: Okay so what makes them scary?
Abel: They killed people and stuff.
Me: What? How old were they?
Tony: I don't know...children.
Me (joking): I'm thinking children like THESE children.
Abel: Naaaaw, they were like between 12-16 years old or something.
Me (pointing an accusing finger at the twins): Hey... THEY eat corn!!!
Angelina: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me (instantly contrite): Oh just kidding sweetie, just kidding! You're not evil.
Tony: See what you did.
Me: I'm sorry, there's a difference between "who like the" and "of the." They're "children who LIKE the corn."
Tony: Or "children who EATS the corn."
Me: Okay so clarify something else for me. Who are these "people" and why are they "under the stairs?"
Geo: Oh that's not a scary movie, that's a sad movie. They were locked there.
Me: Oh okay. So corn children scary. Stair people sad.
Tony: Yes.

I am such a mature adult that my friends even have me getting a bit scared of a movie I've never seen. Abel and I were chillin outside and he said he would never walk through a cornfield. The conversation was rolling but then he made a scary threat and I had to leave.

Me: Imagine those people in the middle of the country and their car breaks down in a cornfield.
Abel: Yeah that's what happened in the movie.
Me(looking around suspiciously): Really?
Abel (laughing): There are no cornfields in Jersey City.
Me: I know that.
Abel (pointing to my front yard): I'm going to plant some corn right there.
Me: That's not funny.
Abel: And then these kids will be peeping out of it like "boo!"
Me: I'm going back inside. Good night. Don't plant any corn there.