Random Thoughts For A Friday Afternoon

Random Thoughts For A Friday Afternoon

1. When I'm eating Chicken McNuggets, my favorite ones are the ones shaped like New Jersey. Every time I eat McNuggets it reminds me of the first time I met Aud. I had a box in front of me and I was breaking them open. She asked what I was doing and I told her I only liked the "dry" (white meat) ones. She asked if she could have the "wet" ones (dark meat) and I said yes and a friendship was born. Okay if taken out of context, that story could be pretty nasty. Or a good Friday night. Just kidding.

2. Speaking of Aud, she used the greatest word last time we spoke. She said "Yeah, he thinks he's really wantable." Wantable. What a great, fake word. I'm going to have to start using that one.

3. Okay I thought of another Finding Nemo quote that Geo and I always use. "Whoooaaahhh... I'm gonna touch the buuutt." Okay, that too, taken out of context sounds pretty nasty.

4. Le Pens rock. They rock because when using them, you can write neatly on most surfaces and the ink won't bleed. I can also write very neatly with those Pilot disposable fountain pens, but unless you're writing fast on ultra absorbent paper, your ink starts seeping every which way. And the number one attribute of pens I think, should be minimum seepage. That's just my personal opinion though. Other people might have a different one. because you know, I'm sure this issue is one which many people sit around and ponder.

5. The other day (while cleaning out my closet) I told Geo that a woman can never have too many purses and he said "Yup." See that's why I love George. He feels me on important matters like accessorizing. You laugh but many a marriage has become a negative statistic because the guy said "Why do you need so many shoes?"

6. Ever see stuff floating in your drink when you lift the cup to your lips, but you drink it anyway because you're really thirsty? I do that.

7. So I got an e-mail the other day with a link to some strangers' wedding. The topic of the e-mail was how average people can be over-the-top about weddings. So the rest of the people responding are saying things like "Wow look at the cake" and I'm sitting here like "This guy lives in San Jose and he doesn't have a single Asian friend???" That's like living in Mexico City and not knowing any Mexican people. I don't know what made me think of this just now but Abercrombie and Fitch should make a t-shirt that says "SELLOUT" on it. We could hand it out like guys give their pussy-whipped friends Doug Christie jerseys.

8. Dont you hate it when you're playing gin and the last card your opponent discards while saying "gin" is the one you needed to win? It compounds the insult if you've been waiting longer than five turns for that one card. Makes you feel like bitchslapping the person you're playing.

9. This guy who put 17 pigs in his yard because his neighbors opposed his request to turn his area into a business zone instead of an agricultural zone is hysterical. Hey, they wanted it to stay agricultural. That means pigs in the yard are legal. Be careful what you wish for.

10. Just so you guys know, in the last two weeks Mike J has used the phrases "peachy keen" and "It was a doozy." Never let it be said that I passed up an opportunity to make one of my friends blush. And you can bet good money that he will blush right as he reads this.

11. So Bush and Kerry have the same great great great great great great great great grandparents. Or something. I lost count. I think it's pretty neat the way rich white people in this country can trace their ancestors back so far. Actually, rich people all over the world can probably do it if they're descended from a "distinguished" line of dead people. I kind of hit a wall of ignorance after my great-grandfather. My great-grandfather lived in China and had 21 children from 3 wives, the oldest of whom was my grandfather. The first wife only bore two of the children so the other 19 were split up between the last two wives. People freak out about the number but if you're poor and live in a third world country, you need those kids to work your farm or everybody starves. After my great-grandfather died, my grandfather became the patriarch of the family. So after my grandfather passed on while living in the Philippines, they laid him to rest back in China. Not a day goes by that I don't miss him. My goal is still to one day travel to China and visit his mausoleum.

Okay, I can't end this post on such a melancholy note so...

13. I am listening to Maury right now (my aunt is watching it because she likes looking at drag queens she says) and he keeps asking the drag queens how old they were when they first started wearing women's clothes. Every single one of them said an age under 7. I think a bunch of people hearing that became instantly more concerned about their son's adventures in mom's closet. Like prior to watching the show they just thought their son was having fun. Now they're wondering if he's having fun because in 20 years he's going to be singing "It's raining men" while onstage in purple stilettos. I don't think it would bug me if I had a son who was a drag queen, as long as he was stylish. There's nothing worse than a drag queen who doesn't know that lace and feathers should be accents, not actual clothes. Except maybe one who wears flourescent lace and feathers. Flourescent clothing is an abomination.

Okay one more...

14. Why the hell do people come out of Judge Joe Brown thanking God for "being on their side?" Really???? Is that why you think you won? Or is it that the other person was even more of a crackhead than you, because she lit up her pipe in the middle of the courtroom. Actually I can't talk smack about that show because my friend Jeselle went on it once. They flew BOTH of us to Los Angeles, gave us a hotel room (that we never even checked into, we should have sold it to some hookers working the strip) and paid her $500. Plus they paid off whatever the judge awarded to her ex, the guy suing her. The inside of those studios are hysterical though, there's more security in there than Rikers Island. I even had an escort when I went to take a piss. She even wiped for me, to make sure I wasn't hiding any weapons. Just kidding. That sounds nasty when taken in context.