But first, I am going to shake the shit out of Aud. For some reason, she's got me lusting after her "Gucci fagbag" (as appropriately named by Ray I believe) that I always used to make fun of. Everyone I know agrees it's awful, even Aud herself to an extent, but I still find myself enamored with its functionality. I hate carrying purses (even though I love purses) and my clothes rarely have pockets big enough to carry my wallet, money, ATM card, keys and lipstick. But with the "Gucci Fagbag", I'd be set! No more running into the stores with my hands amd pockets full of crap! Speaking of Ray, he sent out pics of him and Matt's worldwide tour, which included photos from our night out at Splash aka Splush a couple months ago.
But on to my dreams. Three nights past, I had a dream that I was in a hotel and in one ballroom there was a charity ball and in the other, some firm was celebrating the elevation of one of their lawyers to the partner level. I was supposedly just a random friend of one of the lawyers' friends and they had apparently rented male escorts to entertain their wives while they partied in frat boy manner. I didn't feel like banging some college kid, so I was just wandering the rooms. Julian McMahon was at the charity event and he kept trying to get me to sit at the head table with him but he was surrounded by old ladies so I refused. I can't remember any cohesive sequence of events, just random scenes. At one point I was completely naked in the kitchen, making myself something to eat while a bunch of old guys played poker. In another scene, one of the lawyers asked me to get toilet paper for him and when I handed it to him over the stall, he was banging one of the senior guys' wives. She freaked out and started screaming because I saw her but I pointed out that there were about a hundred people in the co-ed bathroom and they all saw her banging him so why was she so pissed off about me seeing her.
In another scene, my friend Paul walked up to me and asked me which chick he should bang. I pointed out some blonde one and off he went. Then he came back and I pointed out a redhead. I guess I was training him for the Hair Color Sexual Olympics. The worst scene was the last one. We were all sleeping on cots in some huge room with skylights above each cot. All of a sudden it literally started raining rats and possums, they were breaking through the glass and falling onto the beds. People just grabbed the rats or possums, cuddled them like teddy bears and kept sleeping amongst all the broken glass. Meanwhile I was sitting there absolutely disgusted.
Two nights past, I had a dream that I was back in college. My friend Rich (who I haven't spoken to in over a year and a half but who is one of the funniest people ever) was running around on some random scavenger hunt. So we went all over Santa Cruz, looking for random things like a pink satin thong, rubber surgical gloves and bungee cords (yeah, sounds kinky but in the harried rush of the dream it was more frantic than kinky.) Afterwards we all ended up in some weird tenement house filled with a whole bunch of shady characters who only answered to him. It was very Robin Hood and the Merry Thieves. Except that his thieves weren't very merry and they kept having sex in public areas of the house. Like on the living room couch or the dining table, or in the foyer. Yes, even tenement houses have foyers.
Last night, I dreamt that I jumped off a moving train to say hell to Chris Noth. Which is kind of amusing because in real life, I wouldn't jump off a skateboard to say hit to some celebrity (hey that typo looks like I'd jump off the train to hit them. A list for another day). Unless it was Chris Rock. I'd jump off a skateboard to say hi to Chris Rock. Even though he sold out big time in his third HBO special Never Scared. You can tell while watching it that he took a big hit from his peoples for some of the shit he said in Bring The Pain and Bigger and Blacker. Which is too bad because his "the government hates rap" spiel wasn't half as funny as "Martin Luther King was assassinated. John F Kennedy was assassinated. Them two niggaz got shot. I love Tupac and Biggie but school will be open on their birthdays." Okay I went off on a tangent. Yeah so anyway in my dream, Chris Noth and I are sitting at the bar and I hit on him for some reason (which wouldn't happen in real life even if I was single, bored AND horny.) But he shot me down because he was waiting for his wife. And when she showed up, she was a Chinese chick with bound feet and a bright yellow, Chinese outfit. She showed me her business card and on it there was a moving cartoon drawing of her, in the exact same outfit.
I don't do drugs. I swear. I really don't.
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