1. Geo is fun as hell at the mall, during the holiday season. Normally he's a very patient person but the madhouse that is the mall during holiday hours never fails to aggravate him. I hate to find someone else's angst so amusing (who am I kidding, I love it) but it's fun watching a normally polite person snipe things like "HELLO. Move the fuck out of the way" and "Why are you blocking the whole fucking aisle?" It's usually me getting snipy at people in public so this is a nice role reversal for me. I get to make little innocent eyes and pretend for once that I'm the nicest fucking person in the entire world. Then again I usually burst out laughing so maybe that pretense isn't such a success anyway.
2. Those Build-A-Bear Workshops would be better if they made their choices with the demographics of their location in mind. Like for one in Jersey City, instead of Ballerina Bear or Fireman Bear they could offer Crack Addict Bear or Homeless Guy in Jordans Bear. The choices could be:
Crack Addict Bear
Homeless Guy In Jordans Begging For Money on Route 440 Bear
Car Thief Bear
Drug Dealer Bear
Guy Who Blasts Spanish Music at 8am Bear
Spit Wash Window Washer Bear
Guy Who Jacks You For 3 Dollars Bear
Motel-by-the-Hour Prostitute Bear
Indian Woman Who Drives Really Slow Bear
Pregnant 13-year-old Bear
Rats the Size of Cats Bear
And of course these bears would come with accessories. Like Drug Dealer Bear would come with little bags of heroin, a wad of hundreds (with ones on the inside), and the keys to the apartment he lives in with his mom. Pregnant 13-year-old Bear would come with a picture of her 23-year-old boyfriend and 26-year-old mom.
3. Mike J made fun of me the other night, because I picked up a few copies of Maxim from a recycle pile outside some townhouse in the city the other night. He was like "Can I get a picture of you in a fur jacket, picking through the trash?" Hey. It was the recycle pile okay??? I wasn't dumpster diving or anything. And it was FAUX fur. And it was the "Best of Maxim" issue. I'm a hetero female and all but even I can appreciate a nice pair of um, eyes.
4. Top 5 Most Annoying Television Characters On TV Now or Recently
- 1. The entire cast of The Apprentice, now that Andy is gone.
2. Kim Bauer from 24. The fourth season hasn't started but I can't see how there's any way her character can improve, unless they make her a deaf mute. Which I somehow doubt is going to happen, to my great television-watching sorrow.
3. Julia from Nip/Tuck. Can someone please explain to me why Christian is on her tip so bad? She's decent but not more than a 7. Her personality blows. There's a light in the attic but it's dim and flickers every time someone turns an appliance on.
4. The blonde doctor from Scrubs. A good drop kick to the head would do wonders for her personality I think, as would a lobotomy.
5. The cast of Seinfeld. Yes, I realize I'm the only person in the country that doesn't want to toss their salads and weep at their feet with unabashed joy. But as funny as the show can sometimes be, it's more the dialogue than anything the actors do. In fact, the actors normally kill the dialogue with their delivery. Jerry Seinfeld does at least.
5. Geo tossed a bunch of feeder fish into his piranha tank, and one died. So he tried to flush it down the toilet. But it wouldn't go down. It would sink but float back up ("And we'll all float on okay...") After urinating on it about five separate times, I finally went into the living room to ask Geo to remedy the situation. I mean I supposed I could have reached in there and grabbed it myself, but besides the obvious ick factor, once I had it I wouldn't have known what to do with it. What do I know about the proper way to dispose of some decomposing fish that might have died from some nasty virus. I probably would have just tossed it out the window where my dogs would have gotten to it. Then the dogs would die and it'd be my fault. Yes, I actually thought all this.
6. Don't you hate it when I don't post anything for over a week then all of a sudden I post three at once. All those bored workdays that could have been stimulated for a hot minute.
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