January 29, 2005

The Apprentice: Season 3

The Apprentice: Season 3

I've managed to catch the first couple episodes of the third season of The Apprentice. It's been semi-interesting. They Jerry-Springered it. While I admit to being semi-amused by it, it's hard to analyze it considering how ludicrous the first two episodes have been. They've changed it from its original format to college grads versus non-college grads, which probably has Troy from Season 1 cringing considering he kicked ass at the tasks but wasn't hired because he didn't have a degree. Some thoughts:

1. With the exception of one or two, the women seem to be dressing a bit more professionally. That just might be an illusion however.

2. They kept their token black people but offloaded the token Asian. It looks like they picked up a token Spanish chick, something lacking in the first two seasons, but I can't tell for sure.

3. The first task was to sell a special burger at Burger King. It was hysterical, in the sense that only two of the college grads knew how to work a cash register. In their defense, fast food registers have like a jillion buttons with teeny tiny writing. So if you're trying to find the button marked "Bacon Double Cheeseburger" it might be a bit more difficult when 10 angry people are staring at you. Just kidding. It's a fucking cash register for God's sake, not an abacus.

4. The kooky marketing guy is really annoying but I've actually met guys like him in marketing. A lot. Something about marketing attracts the crazies. He seems like a decent guy though. His marketing partner in the task is a cunt and a half. She straight up told him she was supporting him then backstabbed him in the boardroom. I never understand that. If you think someone did a poor job, just tell them.

5. Someone needs to prosecute The Prosecutor for fashion sense violations. It's bad enough that he's wearing a bow tie. The fact that it's floppy and PINK compounds the crime. He reminds me of the fat cashier guy in Coming To America.

6. The second task was kind of ridiculous. In the past, the tasks have at least been semi-feasible. Like they had a house to renovate in 2 days. This time they had to renovate an entire seaside motel in 2 days. And the motels were in worse condition than anything that's ever been fixed up, times three.

7. The PM for the Street Smarts people just blew. His decision to not start with drafting a budget was idiotic. As was his purchase of fourteen new toilets that weren't all necessary.

8. Both teams fight like it's nobody's business. I don't know about all of you, but no matter how heated it got, no one I've ever worked with has ever acted that way. I've never cursed at someone at work and have never been cursed at. Well I got cursed at once. But she was a miserable old cunt anyway so we won't count her.

9. Who puts sheets on new mattresses while they're still wrapped in plastic? I swear the producers did that on purpose, to illustrate their whole Book Smarts versus Street Smarts idea.

10. The Street PM needs to stop whining so damn much. "Wahh wahh nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I'm gonna go eat worms. Wahhhhhhhhh."

11. Verna is a Dildo with a capital D. I hate people that whine about lack of sleep, because they only got a few hours over a 2-day period. Poor baby, two whole days? It's a fucking television show. Try having newborn twins. She was just using exhaustion as an excuse. The real reason she threw a fit is because she wasn't the leader so she had to follow orders instead of issuing them. I hate people like that. They can't stand it when things don't go their way so they remove themselves and don't help at all. "You made a great comeback." Thanks Donald, where would this show be without your stupid comments. How can someone make a great comeback when they come back after the task is finished and they've already screwed everyone over. The girl is just vapor. Hopefully she'll be gone next week.

12. "I'm the only girl who got a cigar" followed by a round of giggles. Hold on a second while I stab myself in the throat with this pen. Women who do things like smoke cigars not because they like them but because they think men find it sexy are annoying as hell. I'm going to have to start keeping more things within reach to throw at the television.

13. Audrey seems decent (for now) but then again I thought this about Jen last season. And naturally I thought the chick who said "You don't like how I'm talking to you? How about this then... SHUT THE FUCK UP" was hysterical. I mean the chick who was bitching had a legitimate gripe against the PM, despite admitting she was biased against him from the start. But no one wanted to hear it, they were exhausted and asked very nicely several times for her to just can it and she kept going. Since they're trying to make the show less professional and more trashy, they should have just gotten her to punch her. Donald can afford to bail her out. And think of the ratings.

14. The men I don't really care about. One of the attorneys seems okay but all the other guys are just vapor. I have no Andy this season, which makes it harder to watch. However I'm not willing to write the show off yet. I'll give it another episode at least. If anything, it is so much fun to sit there and listen to Geo talk shit about Donald Trump.

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