Embarrassing Movie Confessions

Embarrassing Movie Confessions

It's 2 in the morning and I'm sitting at the computer, stuffing my face with Funyuns and those semi-disgusting, semi-tasty banana marshmallow pies. I think I keep eating them because I have yet to decide whether they're delicious or sickening. Tonight, I'm leaning towards sickening. But that just might be because nothing is sitting well in my stomach. And do you know why? I'll tell you why. I'm sickened because I watched Maid In Manhattan today and actually enjoyed it. Can you believe that shit?? And now my membership to the official Jennifer Lopez Is A Douche Bag Club is in jeopardy. One of the requirements is that you never like one of her movies ever, and with the garbage she's put out this wasn't a problem to uphold. Maid In Manhattan is still a piece of crap, except for three things:

1. The little boy who plays her son is cute.
2. Ralph Fiennes is hot.
3. I'm a fucking pansy for Cinderella stories.

And in the end number two just pushed the movie over into the win column. Even though there's something weird about Ralph Fiennes' teeth. I think they're too small for his mouth or something. Like a 6-year-old's teeth in a 45-year-old man's mouth.

Since I've aired out that mortifying confession, I might as well come completely clean. Aud called me the other day and casually mentioned that half the movies she has stars Brad Pitt, even though she's never considered herself to be a big fan. So I moseyed on over to my DVD collection and after perusing the titles for a minute, realized that I had an inordinate amount of movies starring Antonio Banderas. Currently gracing my DVD shelves are Desperado, The Mask of Zorro, Interview With A Vampire, The Thirteenth Warrior, Original Sin and Once Upon A Time In Mexico.

There are few words to describe what it feels like when clarity descends and one comes to the appalling realization that they actually like Antonio Banderas. It's like finding out you like pimples, but not as bad as finding out you like warts. And to compound matters, even as I endure the humiliation of liking this fricken guy, I find myself coveting Assassins when I walk into Best Buy. I can explain away Desperado because it's a damn good movie. I can explain away The 13th Warrior because it's based on the book Eaters of the Dead by Michael Crichton, which I liked. However the others aren't particularly great movies, but I re-watch them all the time just the same and they only have one common denominator. Oh, the shame.

In my defense, Antonio Banderas is better than Aud and Janelle's Embarrassed-To-Admit-You-Like-Him-Guy, Brad Pitt. I mean at least MY guy is kind of a man. I was buying it when the Rugers came out of his sleeves in Desperado. Brad Pitt is on the other hand, the epitome of a girly-man (to use Schwarzenegger's famous phrase.) Every time he hits someone in a movie or pulls out a gun, I giggle. Then realize it was meant to be intimidating, not funny, and attempt to stifle future giggles. But who am I to be allowed a legitimate opinion on anything ever again. I like Antonio Banderas.