March 8, 2005

24: Hour Eleven

24: Hour Eleven

1. People keep wanking off about how 24 is too unrealistic because Jack Bauer gets all over L.A. in a fourth of the time it would really take, but that hasn't bothered me. What strains my imagination however is the scene where Terrorist Imhotep runs up to the bus that's leaving, and it STOPS. Then, the bus driver RE-OPENS the door for him. The last time I was on a bus, the driver actually hit some guy's messenger bag as the bus passed him and knocked it off his shoulder. The guy went flying and the bus didn't even stop. This is Jersey City though.

2. Umm... Terrorist Imhotep's name was "Harris Barnes" and this didn't set off any warning bells at a defense contractor? Sorry but unless he had a picture of his blond-haired, blue-eyed adopted parents Jim and Sue Barnes on his desk I'd be a tad suspicious. I met a Korean girl once with the last name "LeCroix" and I was suspicious.

3. I missed what Terrorist Imhotep said to the Arab Al Pacino, can someone fill me in?

4. What did you guys hear in the car scene between Creepy Husband Paul and Jack? I heard:

CHP: I don't resent you for banging my wife, but I will have you know that I'm not going to let her go so easily. I love her.
Jack: What the hell are you babbling about?
CHP: I'm not going to give in without a fight.
Jack: Dude, who cares??? Can we please FOCUS on the fact that Osama Bin Imhotep is running around loose in L.A. and we have to find him?
CHP: I love her.
Jack: Well she loves my dick. So good luck with that.

Of course 10 minutes later I was actually yelling the words "Oh my God Paul run!!! Hide!!! Jack, save Paul!!!" So thank you, 24 writers, for manipulating me so aptly.

5. When the Secretary of Defense said someone from Division was coming over, I already knew who it was. And ta-da!! Here comes Michelle with her smart new suit and newly-straightened hair. From Office Peon to Head Cheese in two seasons. CTU should get the Women's Day "Best Company For Upward Mobility" Award. At the end of the season, Michelle will get offed and Sarah-Who-Serves-No-Purpose will bypass Curtis and be named Director of CTU. So far Jack's assistant has headed up CTU and now Jack's assistant's assistant is heading up CTU. If I lived in the 24 world I would be a bit frightened.

6. Tony Almeida is banging someone this season. Let's take a poll. Who is going to be bent over the Command Office desk by Episode 20?

A) Michelle Dessler formerly Almeida
B) Sarah, because it will wipe the cunty expression off her face.
C) Edgar
D) The chick in the morgue because dude, hole and a heartbeat. Heartbeat optional.

Kwame's Thoughts:

1. I think the best part of Tony taking over is how everyone else (the Secretary of Defense, Driscoll, Curtis) is dressed all formal and business-like and Tony is unshaven, needs a hair cut and is rocking an olive green T-shirt and jeans.

2. I love how 24 illustrates the glass ceiling in business so well. Yes Curtis we know you are second in command and yes Curtis we know you just helped to save hundreds of thousands of lives but we are going skip you over for a promotion and give it to a white guy who (a) Isn't even employed at CTU (b) Is a lush and (c) Was considered a traitor. Reminds me of when I got passed over for a job at the NBA for a girl who didn't know what position Allan Houston played.

3. Jack is just the man. The way he handled the conversation with Paul was classic. Paul is going on and on about how he's going to "fight for Audrey" and Jack is like "Whatever." Translation: "I don't chase ass, you pussy-whipped wuss." Plus Paul, you tried to get "the pussy" from Audrey about an hour ago and she almost threw up...

4. Kesha thinks Dark Haired Chick wants to bang Tony. I didn't really catch that. Should make things interesting with Michelle around. If this was real life, Michelle and Tony would have make-up/ex sex in that glass conference room or in one of the isolation rooms.

5. I'm all for suspending reality for TV, that's the fun of TV. But would any organization try to kill a federal agent to cover up something that everyone already knows they're involved with anyway? I mean the President of the United States knows you're involved, killing a federal agent who has saved the country 3 times isn't the best idea.

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