Drunken Blogging

Drunken Blogging

1. I'm totally buzzed right now. Funny how a glass of orange juice and vodka (or should I say vodka and some food coloring) can get you buzzed when you down it and haven't eaten in 15 hours.

2. Why hasn't a food whore eaten in 15 hours you ask? Because Indian food at 3am is not the brightest of fucking ideas apparently and I've just forgotten to eat since then. So I got super cranky and decided that before I pick a random fight with the person I love most in the world, just out sheer orneriness, I should have a drink and get happy. Which is what I am. It's kind of titillating. I haven't been buzzed at 7 in the evening in like 3 years.

3. I was just chatting with my ex Gerald on the computer. I've been trying to get him to read my blog. I don't normally do that but I made an exception for him because I want to be able to make jokes at his expense and know he's reading them. What's the point in talking smack if the person you're talking about doesn't read it. He doesn't like reading anything longer than a gum wrapper though.

4. Geo and I were lost in the Oranges the other day. For people outside of Jersey, the Oranges is this weird section of New Jersey where one second you're lookin at a mansion and the next you're watching a crackhead pick food out of a dumpster. I knew we'd left the good part of town though when we saw Foreman Mills, Rent-A-Center (rich people dont rent TVs) and the "El Cheepo Nail Salon." One thing that was cool was we saw some mini-mart called "The Orange Food Store" or some shit. Now I know they don't sell only food that is orange but that'd be pretty hot. Like you walk into a store and all they have are oranges, mangos, Cheetos and Mountain Dew Live Wire.

5. I'm supposed to be ordering dinner because Geo is craving Chinese food. Instead though, I'm here blogging because the menu is next door at Geo's parents' place and I hate talking to Geo's dad when I'm buzzed. It takes too much concentration. My head starts hurting. I asked Geo if I was pretty much the worst wife ever and he said no. Because he knows he's getting laid tonight and it was the right answer but hey, it was still nice.

6. We went out to dinner last night for Abel's birthday so HAPPY BIRTHDAY ABEL!!! I love that guy. He rocks. Also it was my sister-in-law Net's birthday but she's in Cherry Hill so we weren't able to celebrate with her. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOO NET!!

7. Okay I'm starving. I'm going to go upstairs and try to have a normal conversation with my father-in-law. He loves me anyway so it really doesn't matter if he knows I'm buzzed or not but I think it's only a matter of respect. You know, kind of like how you don't go to church drunk (too often).

8. I took a candy bar from Tony's house awhile ago ("Hey T I'm taking this") and I've been saving it up because it's a big huge Kit Kat White (like imagine one long thick wafer) and I never see it in stores. So I decide to eat it tonight and I look on the date and it says "Best before September 7, 2004." I'm going to eat it anyway.

9. Holy shit I'm on a fucking role. It took under 5 minutes to finish this post. Normally it takes like 15. Damn I'm efficient under the influence.

8:45 p.m. edit: Okay I'm sober now. That was like the fastest buzz ever.