April 13, 2005

Not Another Reader Poll

Not Another Reader Poll

I enjoyed my last reader poll (which people should still fill out if they missed it) so much, because a surprising number of you would fingerbang Donnie Osmond in the ass for a surprisingly low amount of monetary incentive. So I decided to do another one and see if anyone bites.

1. Legalize weed and cat hunting, yea or nay?
2. What's a website you go to a lot that is okay to view at work?
3. Would you rather:

a) Go down on a 400-lb woman who hadn't bathed in 3 years
b) Swim a lap in an Olympic-sized pool filled with elephant shit
c) Only eat tofu and okra for the rest of your life.

4. What is your magic minimum, also known as the dollar figure it would take for you to bang some random stranger sight unseen? And let's not get too moral here otherwise we could debate it forever. For example, is it morally correct to not sell your body ever... or morally correct to sell your body if it meant you could afford heart surgery for your kid?
5. What's the scariest movie you've ever seen?
6. Ever had a one-night stand?
7. Make a confession, any confession.

My answers:

1. They should legalize cat hunting while high.
2. Compfused.com and some of it is okay to view at work.
3. B... maybe even A. There's NO WAY it's C.
4. $100,000 cash. Extra $20,000 fee if the person is horrific-looking or has an oversized vehicle. You know what I mean. It's just like those garages in Manhattan. You pay extra if your car is big.
5. The Sixth Sense. I didn't sleep for like 3 days. Fricken ghost in the damn bedroom tent. That scene was scary as hell. And the bitch in the kitchen opening cupboards. Jesus.
6. Just one. But we still e-mail back and forth every so often. Not real e-mails, just bullshit "how are you so I don't feel like a perv" e-mails.
7. My mother-in-law got run over my a car because I was chasing her to get back the picture she took of me banging my 16-year-old yardboy. No wait... that wasn't me. That was Gabby on Desperate Housewives, that slut. I don't have any interesting confessions. You guys already know everything. Let me come back to this.

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