April 12, 2005

More Crap

More Crap

1. Internet poker blows. Where else can people stay in with a 7 and 2 off suit, then manage to flop a full house. If I could reach into my computer and bitchslap the other people at the table I would.

2. I find it amusing that a state in this country would actually want to legalize cat hunting. I find it less amusing that the state in question isn't New Jersey. Meow. Bang.

3. Hungarian prostitutes might soon be allowed to strike a deal with shopping malls to offer their services there. I wonder if customers would then be able to use mall gift cards to get a blowjob. Like maybe a trip to the mall would consist of going to the Gap for some chinos, to Sbarros for some pizza (because every mall in the history of the world seems to have a Sbarros) and then to Katinka for a happy ending massage.

4. People from New Zealand are weird. Someone please tell me that the cigarette butt selling for NZ$7500 in some auction is a joke. Supposedly people want it because it was smoked right before the nationwide smoking ban took effect. I should have saved the ones I smoked in NYC right before Fuhrer Bloomberg initiated his ban.

5. I am having Indian food withdrawal. It's been a long, long time. The next time I have it, whoever I go with will have to carry the conversation because I will be too busy shoveling food into my mouth. I'm not certain how that differs from any other dinner outing but at least they really shouldn't be too surprised.

6. I'm so fucking bored writing this I can't even imagine how fucking bored you all must be reading it.

7. You know, Jersey City cops can't catch a ring of car thieves when they steal 6 cars in 2 days within 30 feet of each other. They can't even catch them when the fucking bastards TOW our car out of our driveway. But German police have the means to deploy helicopters to find fricken vandals. That's fucking beautiful.

8. So I've been thinking. If I were on American Idol, my song choices would be as follows:

Showtunes: I Dreamed A Dream (Les Miserables)
R&B: Killing Me Softly (the Lauryn Hill version)
Pop/Rock: Cryin' (Aerosmith)
Country: Come To My Window (Melissa Etheridge)
Billboard #1: Leaving On A Jet Plane (Peter, Paul and Mary)
70's-80's: I Want You To Want Me (Cheap Trick)
Motown: You Can't Hurry Love (The Supremes)

Popular songs = votes. Yes I thought about this and yes, I know I'm a loser.

9. "Hey baby.... why don't you put my mushroom cap between the roof of your mouth and your tongue?" Ahhh.... my husband is so romantic.

No comments: