April 14, 2005

Things Women Like Men To Know

Things Women Like Men To Know

This article on what men should know about women made me laugh. I don't agree with everything, but most of it is on point.

Some things men should know about women like me:

1. We dislike being nagged. If you told us once and we didn't do it then find some other way to tell us again that isn't nagging.

2. There are certain instances when I want to be lied to. There are some lies that should just be told. No deathbed confessions either, those are just selfish. Whoever said every relationship needs absolute honesty was an idiot. Like your girl is really going to benefit if you tell her that the chick at Dairy Queen is hotter than her. Like some guy really wants to hear that your ex has a penis that made Tommy Lee weep with shame.

3. Don't try to have a conversation during football or 24. Unless it's during a commercial break and it's about the game/episode.

4. Men should not drink alcoholic drinks with any type of fruity anything in it. Women can barely get away with it. And if I ask if you want a shot but you don't have a high tolerance for liquor, you can still decline and feel manly. It's harder to feel manly when you do the shots then get wasted and start crying over your ex.

5. I do not like men who are overly sensitive, but I also dislike men who refuse to grow up and still cultivate the frat boy image. You can be sensitive without being a weak pansy and strong without being insensitive. Find the happy medium.

6. Chris Rock is right, women need "food, water and compliments" but it has to be good food, good beverages and good compliments. That's in order of importance. Examples of bad compliments: "You're hot." "I like how small you are." "I'm a fan of Filipino women." Examples of good compliments: "You make me laugh." "You have good taste in restaurants." "You're right, that WAS an awesome drink." "You're really smart." The "Your hair smells nice" compliment can go either way. It's good if it comes from a guy you like and downright creepy if it comes from anyone else, like why the hell are you smelling my hair you freak.

7. I hate chick flicks. I mean DESPISE them. There are a few exceptions to the rule, namely Ever After, Steel Magnolias, Never Been Kissed, Honey and Sixteen Candles. But that's it. So don't suggest I watch any. Honestly, guys who enjoy chick flicks creep me out.

8. Just because I'm blunt doesn't mean I'm a complete ass. I dislike racist slurs and homophobia (I mean REAL homophobia not just guys who are homowkward) so don't think you're impressing me with your manliness. All that's being impressed upon me is that you're an idiot.

9. I can be high-maintenance, not in terms of money, but in terms of effort which is probably worse. Like for our anniversary, if Geo gets me some random piece of jewelry I will be pleased. But if he springs for a really nice, brand-new Hoover vaccuum because every day he sees me cursing at our piece of crap old one that smells like burning rubber and won't pick up hair, then I will be BEYOND pleased. Then again last year for our anniversary, he got me Aerosmith tickets so that was pretty damn good too.

10. I have a bad temper but it takes a lot to get there and it gets worse if you let it fester. I am not that woman that pretends everything is fine, or who sulks and makes you guess what you did wrong. I like to yell. So just let me blow up at you, then we can be over it within minutes and moving on with our lives. I can't hold grudges.

11. I dislike crying in front of people, but if during a fight I get upset enough to go to the other room so I can cry, you better believe I am going to be pissed as fuck when I get out. Best to just avoid it.

12. I don't care about your car. I don't care about that car model you met at Hot Import Nights. I don't care about the Knicks this season. I don't care about Survivor. I don't care about how your computer needs more memory. So if those are the only things you can discuss, shut up and we'll just drink.

13. If I take a long breath before speaking, don't stick around to hear what I have to say. Trust me, you won't like it.

14. If you don't get along with my friends both male and female, then we have a problem.

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