May 20, 2005

Shower Thoughts

Shower Thoughts

I have a whole bunch of little, useless thoughts in my head so I took the opportunity to dwell on some of them while taking my bi-monthly shower. Maybe if I get some of them down on here, they'll stop flying around in my head like little hyperactive gnats. Some of my friends say they can just think of nothing, and I'm wondering how that's possible. I can't clear my mind for longer than a nanosecond. After that my mind goes "Okay, well that was nice but hey look over there, someone left a sandwich on the table..."


1. On one of the light poles on the ramp that leads to the Newport Mall from 139, someone has randomly scribbled "RETARD" on the base with permanent marker. Now that word is stuck in my head like a bad disco song. "Oh no not I.... I will survive..."

2. Why does black licorice still exist? I've never known anyone that eats it ever, but apparently there's some demand for it because I still see it all over the place. Who are these mythical people who eat black licorice? I think they're the same people who buy Jennifer Lopez records and watch Hilary Duff movies. People do it but no one wants to admit it.

3. You know what's even more intimate than sex? Showering with someone. My "Magic Number" is 11> as you all know, but my Showering Magic Number is 3. I think. Unless I'm one of those lesser-known, Blackout Shower people. You know, instead of blacking out and having sex with random people I black out and shower with them instead. It could happen. Some days I wake up feeling like I smell really clean and the bi-monthly shower was weeks past.

4. After learning of my love of Indian food, Tony's co-worker invited us to his wedding which is being catered by one of my favorite Indian restaurants. I thought the guy was just really drunk, but Tony IM-ed me yesterday and said he gave him an invitation. So I will be Tony's obligatory date. Not obligatory for me, but obligatory for him. Because if he tried to take anyone else as his date to a sumptuous Indian wedding feast I would throw the biggest conniption fit this side of the Mississippi. WOO-HOO!! The food whore strikes again!!

5. Literacy is overrated. No one ever focuses on the benefits to illiteracy. Like the fact that none of the Toys R Us cashiers read my 20% off coupon which clearly states that it can't be used for video gaming machines. Thus, we got Gamecube for 80 bucks. And we went back and bought some wireless controllers, also hardware, and got those discounted as well. See? Yay for illiteracy!! Or incompetency. Or workplace ambivalence. Whichever.

6. Is it better to have a bit of a belly and a fuller ass, or no belly but no ass either? Just um, wondering. It's the Ass Conundrum.

7. TV thoughts: 24 was kind of boring last week and Jack made his pedestal wobble a little when he let Imhotep escape at a fairly crucial time. I haven't watched The Apprentice in over a month and the season is finally done so YAY FOR ME, I am no longer a loser. I am however, still watching Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy because those two shows rock. I didn't climb on the Lost bandwagon but will chase after it and try to clamber on by renting the complete season on DVD during the offseason. You know they'll have it. I am also still watching Law and Order but it's an obligatory hour of my life every week. Like I'm watching out of respect for how good the show used to be. Not that they have any respect for me, getting my boy Detective Green shot and languishing away in a hospital while two of the lamest detectives on the planet cover for him. Also where is Samantha Sutherland and who is this boring ass broad they've got in her place?

8. I'm usually pretty good at ending conversations I don't want to have politely, but every so often I'll meet someone who's just better at pursuing the conversation than I am at ending it. That happened tonight, while in line at the grocery. Some guy managed to engage me in a conversation about how horrible it is that the media cares so much about things like Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston's divorce when there are countries at war and a hole in the ozone layer and kittens being murdered deep in the recesses of the South American rainforests. Me and Geo brought it upon ourselves though. We saw a cover of a tabloid while waiting and had the following conversation:

Geo: You know why Brad Pitt left her?
Me: Why?
Geo: Because she doesn't swallow.
Me: What are you talking about, she swallows.
Geo: No she doesn't.
Me: She might not let him jizz on her face like the other one does but she swallows.
Geo: Eh. I don't know.

Naturally the chatty stranger overheard and opted to start talking to me when Geo walked away. Oh and while he railed on about the injustices of the world, he stared at my chest. Which is pretty amusing considering my boobs aren't big AND I was wearing a turtleneck. Crazy ass chatty strangers.

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