June 8, 2005

Random News Stories

Random News Stories

Yeah okay, police couldn't tell that this guy was nuts? I mean bloody chainsaw and hatchet aside, he just looks like he goes home and eats random human parts out of his freezer.

I think the "Big Brother" card is a bit played out. Security cameras in certain high-crime areas in NYC are a long way from monitoring someone's thoughts. I for one do not see security cameras when I'm alone in a subway station and think "Dammit, these fuckers need to just back up off me." If someone thinks that when they see those things, chances are they're going to end up in jail anyway, for whatever crime they're about to commit.

Stories like this one are sad as hell but the one thing I can't get over is why the parents waited 5 hours to call the police. If the bus driver is twenty minutes late with my three-year-old, people are getting calls. Lots of people. That may sound like an overreaction but hello, the kid is three. The weird thing is, this happened to me once when I was about nine. I used to attend a magnet school that was an hour bus ride away in East L.A. The bus used to drop me off back home around 4:00 every afternoon. One day, it didn't get me home until 10 o'clock at night. My dad called the school, the bus company, the dispatcher, the police, everyone and no one could find my bus. I only remember vague pieces of what happened, my bus driver Mrs. Sanchez could have just been a coke fiend for all I know. I remember we kept stopping because the bus was having problems. Then we were at the bus yard for hours it seemed. I fell asleep. Then we got on a different bus and went home. To this day my dad still has no idea why it happened, he never questioned the bus driver because he was just so glad I was home safely. If I had been him, I would have been just as glad but I would have seriously opened a can. 6 HOURS LATE and the bitch couldn't have called SOMEONE to say she still had a kid on the bus?

I don't understand this article about the emergence of a "new" and "less-masculine" man who wants to wear flowered shirts and go to swingers clubs. I understand the flowered shirt part, but since when does a "man's man" not want to bang random broads? When did wanting to sleep with strange women become a non-masculine trait?

Germany is building sex huts in anticipation of the World Cup. We have those in Jersey City too, but people call them by other names like "phone booth" and "port-a-potty" and "Taco Bell bathroom."

So a Jersey surfer got attacked by a Great White 25 feet from the shore. Wonderful. 25 feet is like walking from my kitchen to the living room. Of course, my ass isn't hitting the water anyway, because jellyfish have a vendetta against me. I don't know why, I've never done anything to them. But every time I go into the water, here comes one jellyfishing along towards me like it's nobody's business. Ick. Of course I may be wrong and it may be less of a vendetta and more a need for them to say hello. Either way I avoid the water.

This article on a study of beauty by Allure magazine made me snicker. Why is it, that I'm having trouble believing that the first thing men look at on a woman are her eyes? That sounds like one of those things men say when they want to seem mature and sensitive on the first date. Kind of like "I don't watch pornography, it doesn't do anything for me" and "Personality is the most important thing I look for in a woman." Also, I think that statement about women looking as good over 50 as women under 30 was kind of a crock. I'm not speaking for my own personal opinion but come on, name one woman over the age of 50 that we as a society view as a sex symbol. And they get younger every year. I think women answered that question the way they did because they know they're going to be over 50 one day and men answered that question the way they did because they don't want to admit that the women they lust after are ten, twenty, thirty years younger than them. I would feel a bit disgusting if I hit it with someone who was four when I was in college. Some 18-year-old guy hit on me the other day and I almost threw up on him.

Any other chicks read articles about women in Saudi Arabia and just feel like maybe they didn't bang enough people when they had the opportunity? I mean don't get me wrong. I actually have no desire to sleep with anyone else, not even the guys on my Top 5. Well maybe Patrick Dempsey, who replaced Mark Dacascos because who can take a guy seriously when he's the fricken Chairman on Iron Chef America. Although, he might just be a food whore as well, at which point I'd be a hypocrite to kick him off. But I digress.

Women in pretty much every other country outside of the Arab world have a whole lot of freedom and yet we're still hung up on sex. Like you see some chick banging five guys at a party and think "What a slut." But then some guy in Saudi Arabia is sitting at home, thinking about you, shopping at the mall without your man and saying "What a slut." I know what YOU'RE thinking though. You're thinking "When the hell did Riss ever go to a party where some chick banged 5 guys and how can I get an invitation to that party?"

No comments: