Fantastic Four

Fantastic Four

Geo and I saw Fantastic Four last night. If you're one of those people that needs to be surprised every single moment of the movie, then stop reading right now. Otherwise you might be tempted to leave a comment about not liking spoilers and I might be tempted to tell you to bite me. Overall, I enjoyed the movie. I can see why movie critics despise it, but it's nice, fluffy movie that doesn't leave a person feeling depressed or mentally unhinged. Naturally, I liked it.

Of course, I may just be biased because I'm a shallow person and the movie has Jessica Alba in it AND two of the guys from my Top 5 Laminated List, Julian McMahon and Ioan Gruffudd.

And you have to keep in mind when I'm reviewing movies the type of movie I enjoy. I like kids movies, quirky foreign films, martial arts movies, movies about food, action flicks, war dramas, comedies with strong dialogue and movies with awesome special effects. Every so often, I'll like a movie that doesn't fit that criteria (Tombstone, The Usual Suspects, Tea With Mussolini, Steel Magnolias, Ever After) but it happens rarely.

First of course, the previews.

A. Theatre greed is approaching its all-time high I think, with the practice of playing commercials before movies. It's getting ridiculous really. I might go postal if I have to watch that annoying ass "Wanta Fanta" commercial one more time. It's like the Coca-Cola company pulled up the heavy artillery and tried to make the most annoying commercial in history. And succeeded.

B. Is it me or does that new movie about Pocahontas look really boring. Plus the actress in it looks about 12 and Colin Farrell looks about 40 with all his new facial hair, so the romance scenes are going fairly disgusting I think.

C. King Kong looks pretty good. For the first 30 seconds of the trailer I thought it was some boring drama flick. And then they busted out King Kong and I thought it was supposed to be Mighty Joe Young 2. Just kidding. Although you know, I like that movie. I cry every time Charlize Theron thinks Joe is dead.

Okay on to Fantastic Four:

1. I thought the casting was pretty solid even though I read some complaints about Jessica Alba being cast as Sue Storm. I wasn't annoyed by her portrayal the way Geo was, but I think maybe I would have gone with someone a little older, or maybe someone who wouldn't have done Honey. Her and Ioan Gruffudd seemed a bit mismatched in age, though he fits his character more. Also there was more chemistry between The Torch and his hoes than there was between Alba and Gruffudd. I think Michael Chiklis and Chris Evans portrayed their characters the best.

2. There should have been less bickering and more action. For a comic-book adaptation that didn't really have much of a plot, there was a lot less action than I would have expected. The producers had to have known that they didn't have the same substance the storylines of Batman Begins or Spiderman 2 had. So to compensate for that, the automatic solution should have been greater effects and longer fight scenes.

3. The Thing's wife was a hoebag, straight out. Way to stand by your man.

4. If I could have any of their powers I'd want to be The Human Torch. He can go supernova AND fly? Awesome. Okay, notice I said powers, meaning SUPER powers, so no this isn't an invitation to some psycho to set my ass on fire. There also should have been more scenes of them using their powers, although what little there was looked great.

5. I don't understand why people expected this movie to be as dark and serious as say, Batman Begins. I personally think that would have been a little off. I expected it would be similar to the X-Mens and it was, except with more slapstick-style humor.

6. Imagine how different movies would be if the characters actually had to worry about hurting innocent bystanders during fights with the villains. Like "Von Doom is getting away but if I pursue him, a lot of innocent people driving along the highway might get hurt when my car knocks theirs into the Hudson." Or, "I really want to throw this bus at Von Doom but it might hit him then slam into a building, hurting everyone who was standing around in the lobby waiting for elevators."

7. If I were Sue Storm I would have somehow hooked up a threesome with Von Doom and Mr. Fantastic. I don't know how, but I assume it would involve discussions on quantum physics, some mood music and a litre of Black Label. She made the right choice though, imagine the things he can shape at will. Heh.

8. On the ladder of comic-book adaptation movies, I'd say Fantastic Four ranks ABOVE Daredevil, Elektra, The Hulk, Catwoman (obviously, let's just stop counting that movie as one), The Punisher, The League of Extraordinary Gentleman, all the Batmans except the new one, the Supermans, Van Helsing and X-Men 1 but BELOW Batman Begins, Spiderman 1 and 2 and X-Men 2. And since X-Men 3 is going to use the storyline of the Phoenix, I'm going to not really go out on a limb and say it will rank below that as well.

9. I love going to theatres where everyone claps at the end of the movie.

10. Oh and stadium seating rocks. Except when you're leaving, because then you can really see all the full bags of popcorn everyone left and you want to walk up and eat them but don't want to feel like a hobo. Um, this is all hypothetically speaking of course.

Geo and I give this movie two thumbs up for summer fun without the need for Prozac.