1. I read an article about people being worried that their blogs would bite them in the ass one day, after they'd done something "noteworthy" like run for office. I imagined myself running for Senator one day, then getting called out in the middle of a press conference by someone quoting one of my blog posts:
Random Reporter: Madame Candidate, is it still your contention that "They should give the death penalty to murderers AND car thieves?"
Me: See, you're taking that out of context.
Random Reporter: What was your original sentiment?
Me: That they should give the death penalty to car thieves who steal cars AND kill people.
Random Reporter: But that's not what it said on your blog, it said, and I quote--
Me: NEXT QUESTION, BITCHES.
Whatever, that would never happen. Not just because I have no plans to ever run for office but also because were I ever to run for office, I would run on the strap-those-bitches-in-and-flick-the-switch platform.
Anyone whose crimes belong on Law and Order: SVU
Anyone whose crimes belong on crimelibrary.com
Car thieves (you fuckers)
Wasted drivers (you fuckers too, go ahead and wrap yourself around a tree but don't take innocent people with you. And no, I'm not talking about people whose judgement has been impaired by a shot or a couple of beers. I'm talking those 3 1/2 times the legal limit, driving the wrong way down a damn highway fuckers.)
2. You can tell you're old when you start longing for suburbia. No really. A few nights ago me, Abel, Tony and Geo sat with the girls on Tony's deck and ate a delicious spaghetti, barbeque chicken and fruit jello thing dinner provided for by Tony's very capable mom. As I tapped my foot on the wooden floor, and watched my daughters and close friends laughing in the Citronella candlelight, I thought to myself, "This is the life." That may make some people laugh, people who dream of yachts and penthouses and private jets. But I don't want all of that. What I want most of all is to be perfectly in-the-middle. Not too much, not too little.
I don't know why my friends always picture me in the city. I'd rather be in some converted Victorian farmhouse in upstate NY, where my kids can have an actual treehouse instead of some plastic Little Tikes toy in my living room. Or maybe in the number one town in America, conveniently located right here in New Jersey.
3. I thought I was the only one who cringed every time they saw the Pontiac Aztec. The author of the article said that 28,000 of them are sold each year. I think 27,983 of those are sold to residents of Jersey City. This car is everywhere, even in that godawful color that I think is supposed to be orange but looks more like a metallic Burnt Sienna. The remaining residents of Jersey City are driving the Toyota Scion. Just kidding. Only 71,948 of them are driving Scions, or as I think of them in my head every time I see one, The Toaster.
4. This post of Bennet's made me laugh. And also illustrated that our generation and those younger are all a bit too comfortable with this internet thing. Just imagine where all our pictures are floating around, and how they've been edited. Paul once tossed me up on hotornot.com and in retaliation I tossed his pic up on some site that was like am I gay or not dot com. He didn't believe I did it though, so I won't tell him his score. One day hopefully I will find the screenshot I took and toss it up here.
5. All women should break up with Brad Pitt. They seem to look a lot better afterwards.