Mail Call

Mail Call

I'm too lazy to sit and think of an actual post topic so I thought I'd just answer a few e-mails that have been sitting in my inbox for the past few days.

Why did you yell at a priest?

It was 1999 and I was in the limo with my bridesmaids prior to my (first) wedding. My father had gotten lost on the way to the ceremony (he's from California and the church was in Long Island, NY) and the priest didn't want to wait too long. He came over 15 minutes after the ceremony was supposed to start and wanked off about some confessions he had to hear a few hours later. I asked him to wait awhile longer, he could skip our half-hour wedding mass to save time if he wanted. 5 minutes later he came back and said "Pick someone to walk you down the aisle instead of your father" and I just lost it. After my tirade he said "We'll wait as long as we have to" and went back into the church. Luckily my dad drove up just then with my freaked out mom. Naturally, I apologized to the priest later on. You know, to avoid that whole eternal damnation thing.

I read your post on the hurricane... Why do people play the blame game over natural disasters?

I posed this very same question the day after the flooding, to a message board largely comprised of liberals calling for Bush's head on a silver platter. The resounding answer was something to the effect of "so we can figure out how to prevent this type of thing in the future." So that's the answer I'll give. But, that's probably the case for only some of the people pointing fingers. The ones closely affected, the ones who have lost loved ones or every possession they own or both. Or the ones who genuinely feel pain when seeing other people suffer. For the rest, the ones with a political agenda, disasters are a prime time to sling mud and make the other party look bad. And EVERYONE likes to sling a little mud, Democrats, Republicans, whoever. Sometimes the mud is well deserved and sometimes it's not. But a disaster of any sort turns over rocks and that's when the insects come crawling out.

Are you really a conservative?

Yes, though I'm towards the middle on many issues. But sometimes I wish I could forcibly gag half the people in my party. We as a whole were apparently in the bathroom when God handed out Public Relations Skills. I mean let's be completely honest here. Don't you think some people somewhere thought to themselves "Well a few of those evacuees were living in crackhouses or hooking out of Motel Six during Mardi Gras in one of the most derelict cities in the nation. Now they're going to have government-funded housing and a crapload of federal aid in Houston, Texas." But no one is actually stupid enough to say it out loud. Except Barbara Bush. Like anyone is really willing to go through a category five hurricane in a city below sea level to live in a better neighborhood. If I were the Bush family's PR person I would slip her a sedative before every press outing. Yeah right. If I were the Bush family PR person that would never have happened. Because after her first slip-up (and there have been quite a few) I would have backhanded her into next week. "Remember this next time you open your mouth and think about what you're going to say." See if it happens again.

Did you sign the Blogger Code of Ethics?

No, I didn't. Because it seemed like it may result in action that would hinder my ability to talk smack with impunity. I mean if I signed it, would I then have to refrain from saying things like "Jennifer Lopez is married to the ugliest man on the planet?" (Which would be okay I guess, if he had a "nice personality" but he doesn't seem to have that either.) How does one go from Ben Affleck to Mark Anthony? I don't think Affleck is all that but it's kind of like going from Linus to Pig Pen.

I assume that's the kind of crap I wouldn't be able to spew anymore. Because it would be difficult to actually prove that Mark Anthony had no personality and was THE ugliest man on the planet. He might be the second ugliest, or the third ugliest or the eighth ugliest. Decisions decisions. Just kidding, I'm not signing that thing. It shouldn't pertain to blogs like mine, it should pertain to the blogs that are actually trying to disseminate important information. Remember my mission statement? "This blog does not seek to educate, only to destroy." I'm exempt from that petition.

I thought you were going back to work and Geo was going to stay with the kids?

Financially that would make more sense but I'm selfish and like having the kids all to myself all day. So we agreed that I would go back to work after our NEXT child turned one and then he could stay home and be Mr. Mom.

What happened to that whole writing-a-book thing?

I haven't written anything for it in months. I have about 50 pages in Word single-spaced. But they are random chapters. And there is no outline yet. But those pages took me less than a week to write, so I figure all I need to do is save up money to hire a babysitter then lock myself in a room for a month. I giggle a lot while writing it. Don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Probably the latter.

You and your husband seem to have a great relationship. What's your secret?

This.