Random Crap

Random Crap

1. Geo beat his co-worker this week in their fantasy match-up. And by "Geo" I really mean me since I'm the one running his team. I have to make some changes though, I'm a little weak at the tight end position. My point is, I was watching the game tonight and my 83-year-old lola (grandmother) walks in.

Lola: Is Tony playing on the tv?
Me: Huh? No.......
Lola: I thought he played basketball.
Me: This is football.
Lola: Ohhhhh.

I considered telling her that basketball is played with 10 people on a hardcourt, while football is played on a 100-yard long field, not counting the end zones, with more players. I considered telling her that at 6-4, Tony is tall but not all tall people are pro basketball players. I also considered telling her that even if he wanted to be one, at 6-4 he'd have to be a point guard and he's used to playing center since Filipinos are normally not that tall. Instead I just said "Yeah Tony is tall."

2. This e-mail I got from Kwame made me snicker:

Steph said "Bush did a fly by because New Orleans is 68% black." I was like "Umm, Steph should the president be paddling in the muddy, gasoline and dead body infested waters while dumbass looters take potshots at him in an area we can't secure?"

He better watch it or his political party is going to revoke his membership. Kwam is a liberal and I'm a conservative but oddly enough we agree with each other more than we agree with some of the people in our respective parties. I think when I run for President on the "Blowjobs and Hugs For All" platform, I will create my own political party and invite Kwam to be my running mate. All the non-white people would probably vote for us, half the women would vote for us just to see a female President, the liberals would vote for us out of guilt because Kwame is "African-American" and I am "Asian-American" and the conservatives would vote for us because I support the death penalty, would attempt to get rid of that whole "cruel and unusual punishment" embargo and would allow prayer in schools (don't think Kwam feels this one but he could be persuaded to come around). I would support low/middle-class tax breaks and yet also support corporate tax breaks for corporations that keep their jobs here. I would support stem cell research even as a Catholic, because deep down inside I think God is a nice guy who understands that we don't want to see our children and spouses and parents die of horrible illnesses which rob them of their strength, hope, joy, dignity and eventually lives.

3. Is it me or is the movie industry getting a little desperate with their comic/action duo pairings? The Man is coming out starring Samuel Jackson and.... Eugene Levy. Who? Exactly. I think his most notable performance was probably as the dad in American Pie. "Ohhh, hiiiiim." Right. My point is, not every black man/other guy dynamic is going to work as well as Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan. So just let it go.

4. I have the neverending mosquito bite on my foot. The foot is one of the most annoying places to get bitten, because it's just awkward to scratch. Mine is right on the side of the arch and I've pretty much used every remotely sharp object in the house to scratch it. Which of course only extends its lifespan. What a catch-22.

5. I no longer have a favorite ex-boyfriend. It was Tony for awhile, with my high school sweetheart Gerald coming in second. But Gerald didn't call me when he was in town for a night. "I had to go to a private get together that blah blah blah..." Private get together is synonymous with "circle jerk" in my dictionary. And Tony keeps having conversations with me like this...

Tony to one of the kids: You are so cute!!!
Me (joking): Thanks man!!! Hey Geo, Tony thinks I'm cute.
Tony (sounding like I just suggested he dismember puppies): Eeeew I wasn't talking about YOU!!!!!!!! Gross.
Me: It might be better for my ego if you didn't sound so appalled.
Geo: You thought she was cute at one point or you wouldn't have banged her.
Me: Thanks hubby.

See, that's the key to a solid marriage. Your husband always has to have your back (and of course your front.)