News Stuff

News Stuff

1. CNN has an article up listing the ten best fake words. Naturally, "woot" made it on there, the word that bit me in the ass. Made fun of it so much I eventually found myself using it for real. Most of the words are stupid but number nine on the list is great. I think I'm going to start using it. "I strode through the snowy streets of Jersey City, absent-mindedly kicking crack vials into piles of snirt."

2. That Florida teacher who banged one of her students was sentenced to house arrest for 3 years. Somehow I think if the genders were reversed, the teacher's punishment would not be to chill at home with some margaritas for a bit. Probably because the victim in this case gets high-fives from every guy between the ages of 13 and 100 that he meets. The thing that gets me about this case is that the teacher is an attractive woman in her mid-20's. I know why some older men lust after teenage girls. It's still pedophilic and disgusting but I can see it. But when older women look at a 14-year-old boy, don't they just think he's scrawny?

3. Tony or Mike will probably be the first of our friends to get the Xbox 360. I hope it's Mike, and that he passes on his Xbox to any friends he has that doesn't have it. Cough. The best quote in the article is: "I'm not a heavy gamer, I'm a light gamer -- something to do with my job," Gates said. "The people on [the Xbox] team can all kill me within about 60 seconds on Halo, so I try and avoid them." Bill Gates sitting down to play Halo on his own system and getting killed in 60 seconds by the development team is hysterical.

4. I can't stop laughing over this e-mail from Kwame:

"I'm sure you saw the story about the teacher who was fired from a Catholic school because she's pregnant but not married. You Catholics can't cut anyone a break huh? It's the holiday season for Christ's sake (pun intended)!! Now I don't really think the school is wrong, I mean she did sign a morality clause, so don't go on TV and cry when you knew this could happen and the whole "gender bias" argument is stupid to me. It just kills me how hardcore your peeps are. It's 2005. I'm surprised she wasn't stoned."

Yes, the Catholic church is antiquated but it's an old religious institution. And yes, people can spin it that the church ignores the issue of pervy priests yet fires schoolteachers who engage in consensual, overage sex. I'm just laughing because it does actually take balls to fire a pregnant woman at Christmas. But that's what the little sinner gets for engaging in premarital sex. Fire and brimstone, baby.

5. I clicked on a rather alarming headline "Twins have lower I.Q.s" and found an interesting article claiming that by studying data from people born in the 1950's, scientists were able to determine that twins often have a median I.Q. a few points less than their non-twin siblings. Their conclusions are based on the fact that twins normally have low birthweights and a shorter gestational age. So it doesn't really seem to be the twin thing, but rather the fact that they were born early. I was born at 32 weeks weighing 3 lbs and 10 oz and my I.Q. is fine (it's just getting over a bit of a cold.) And our girls seem pretty damn smart to me, when they're waiting until I leave the room to stuff goldfish crackers into the DVD player (which will only close if there are less than 6 crackers) or munching on chicken strips while waving a picture of a chicken and going "Bok bok bok."

6. "Stephon Marbury is T.O. in shorts." Hee. Seriously though, what is this guy doing. Hasn't he figured out yet the reason why teams get rid of him? There are veteran career benchwarmers who have been on fewer teams than him.

7. The EU is paying for half of a 2.4 million dollar project to put up mirrors on an Austrian hillside, so a town that receives no sunlight during the winter can have small pockets of sunshine here and there. The town has 440 people and the young usually leave. Innsbruck is only 25 miles away (I've been to Innsbruck, it's nice.) So does that mean eventually everyone will die or move away and all that will be left are 30 really expensive mirrors?

8. Note to my friends who have done so every year, if any of you get me sick this winter I will beat the shit out of you. On second thought, I'll beat the fuck out of you. You probably wouldn't miss your shit but I sure bet you'd miss your fuck. If you think you're sick, or even just have a little tickle in your throat, STAY AWAY from my house. Especially do not bring your sick kids over so they can wipe their snot all over my living room, while I clutch a can of Lysol in mysophobic horror. I am not trying to get sick then take care of the two kiddos and elderly grandmother that would eventually get it from me.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING PEOPLE!!!