Random News Stories

Random News Stories

Some guy sued his ex because after their break-up, he fell asleep and she super-glued his genitals to his abdomen, his buttcheeks CLOSED and painted a curse word on his back with nail polish. My favorite part of the article is the fact that the defense contends it was a consensual act. HAHAHAHA. Yeah okay. I bet guys are just lining up for that kind of foreplay. Well maybe foreplay is the wrong word. After all when the glue dries, pretty much all sex acts are impossible.

Politicians are so annoying. It doesn't matter what party they're from, Republicans, Democrats, Green Party-ists, whatever. It's not that they're bad people essentially, or that they don't occasionally have a decent interest in mind. It's just the vicious cycle that is "politics" makes people sleazy. I don't think you can survive in it without stepping into the sleaze. Clinton said at a Corzine rally "'The only thing that can keep Jon Corzine from being the next governor of New Jersey is if you don't vote. Remember Rosa Parks. Stand up and be counted.'" Some Republicans pulled this shit after Reagan died. Can't people just die without it becoming a battle cry for sleazy ass politics?? Yeah I know, in the end it's a great campaign tactic because idiots on all sides of the political spectrum fall for it.

Polish archaeologists think they've found Copernicus' grave. How cool is that? They said they're going to try and find his relatives to do more accurate DNA testing. Imagine being a descendant of someone great like Michelangelo or Mozart or Isaac Newton. Imagine how much ass you'd get ass he bar I mean. "Hey baby, you might have died from that mudslide you're drinking except that my great-great-great-great-great-great granduncle Louis invented pasteurization."

And here I thought France was perfect. The hypocrisy of the world (the U.S. included) makes me laugh. The other day I was on some site and I made a joke about the name "Swaziland" and got a smarmy "Let me guess, American" in response. From someone who lives in SOUTH AFRICA. SOUTH AFRICA. I don't even need to offer an explanation for the stupidity of that here, because even dumb little American kids know about the history of South Africa. So "Americans are evil" but so is the rest of the fucking world.

Reality TV contestants are now literally going to be inhuman. Gorillas will be competing for a prize of 12 melons. Just typing that sentence made me feel like an idiot. I bet the show will be more interesting than 90% of reality TV out there. I wonder if the runner-up prize is a bucket of mites.

What this article about the escaped death row inmate didn't say is that after the inmate walked away from the guard who let him pass, he yelled out "FOOOOOOOOOOOLED YOU" in the Dark Helmet voice from Spaceballs. It's good to know that breaking out of prison can be simple with the right plan and the right negligent guard. Makes me sleep well at night.

I was never that bothered by T.O.'s antics, the Sharpie in the sock thing was more amusing and ridiculous than anything else. But can the guy please, just shut up? I mean what kind of idiot runs around complaining that his own personal contributions aren't recognized with pomp and circumstance, when he hasn't really done that much for the team except talk a whole bunch of shit? And T.O. talking about the team having a lack of class is like Paris Hilton complaining that Jennifer Lopez has a lack of modesty.