The Official Television Post

The Official Television Post

1. What better way to celebrate the upcoming season premiere of 24 than with an official television post. On Sunday I will post one of those weekly 24 recaps that only Nicky, Kwame, Tony, Shabe and AB care about. I have been wanking about this moment since last May. Don't know how the writers can top Jack Bauer walking around with a criminal's head in his bag as a bargaining chip, or him cutting his partner/future son-in-law's arm off, but I'm looking forward to it. Speaking of which, I laughed my ass off at this guy Adam's page, a spoof that details the "Lost Episode of 24." Jack Bauer for President.

2. I have a new guilty pleasure and it's called Dancing With The Stars. Most people think I married Geo because he's funny, smart, sexy and great in bed. Oh and because he knocked me up. While all of those are indeed important facts, it's not actually the reason I married him. The REAL reason I married him is because he is an amazing dancer.

There are people who can dance and there are dancers. People who can dance are able to go through the motions and not stick out with their foolishness. People who are dancers can make even the simplest of dance moves look like visual poetry. It's something in the fluidness of their motions, the way their bodies seem to move to the music note by note, in complete harmony. Okay I sound gay as hell. My point is, it's fun to watch the real dancers and the C-list celebrities try, so lay off. I'm rooting for the hot wrestler chick Stacy Keibler or Jerry Rice.

3. My friends wore me down eventually and I jumped onto the Lost bandwagon. Banged out Season One in 4 nights and caught most of the episodes in season two. Like 24, this show really deserves its own weekly post but here are the highlights of what I'm thinking:

• Kate is a douche bag. The poor side of her wants some respectable missionary from Jack. The father-figure-less side of her wants it up the ass from Sawyer. Biologically speaking, she can get both simultaneously but that would just be greedy seeing as there's only a limited quantity of attractive men on the island.
• I'm pulling for Charlie but only because he's a hobbit. I don't even mind that every moment of his day is spent waiting for the opportunity to suck or chew on stale heroin stashed in a Virgin Mary statue.
• Everyone's hating on Ana Lucia but I refuse to be manipulated by the writers. I like her. But maybe I'm just biased because she killed the annoying blonde.
• This show will be on for quite a few seasons. They have to wrap up the Mystery of the Others, the Mystery of Disappearing Re-appearing Walt, the Mystery of the Plane Crash, the Mystery of the Island Power, the Mystery of the Dharma Project, the Mystery of the Magic Numbers, the Mystery of the Graspy Black Smoke, the Mystery of Where That Code Enterer Ran Off To, the Mystery of the Random Horse... the list goes on.

4. I always miss it but That 70's Show is one of the most underrated shows out there. The dialogue more than makes up for Ashton Kutcher's presence:

Red Foreman to his son: "You're about to read a book my foot wrote. It's called 'On the Road To In Your Ass.' I'm going to put you in a box and mail you to the Marines."

If my television could only play five shows/re-runs ever they would be:

(Non-Cartoons)
24
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Law and Order
Dharma and Greg
MacGyver or Star Trek: Next Generation

(Cartoons)
Transformers
Pinky and the Brain
Batman Beyond
Justice League
Thundercats

Feel free to make recommendations. I'm always up for a new show.