1. First and foremost, HAPPY BIRTHDAY KWAME!!!!!!!!
- Top 5 Reasons Kwame Rocks:
He is a nice guy... who says supremely foul (yet funny) things regularly once you get to know him.
He can dress well but is still a guy's guy.
He will wait patiently through your stream of invectives then go "Okay. But you're still wrong."
He always gets the joke and sees the humor in every situation. Even when it's his wife's cousin grabbing the microphone and giving an impromptu Black Power speech at their wedding, during the best man toast.
He knows everything about every sport, ever. Go ahead and test him.
3. Counting sheep to fall asleep is impossible for me. I've never been able to do it. My mind refuses to obey. Last night I started out with sheep but by the third sheep it had become a stag and then cocker spaniels wearing those reindeer antlers they sell at Old Navy during the holidays. And then finally it was just David Arquette jumping back and forth over the fence.
4. Those Miss Piggy pizza commercial are funny as all hell. I mean she's a pig, holding a pizza that has like eight different types of pig on it. Of course it doesn't trump the weirdness of the Burger King commercials, with the weird statue guy that appears at the window holding a sandwich. Then again nothing says "No really, I'm not very scary at all" like a free sandwich. The Miss Piggy commercial does make me hungry for bacon, onion and pineapple pizza though. Incidentally, Miss Piggy has to be the most annoying children's character in the history of television. And considering the existence of Barney and the Teletubbies that's saying a lot.
5. I used to always tease my guy friends that there was a secret site where women listed all their experiences with specific guys so that other women dating them would know what to expect. It seems it's not just a joke anymore. DontDateHimGirl.com outs cheaters and even has pictures. I've been laughing my ass off all night.
6. Picked up some of those banana-flavored marshmallow pie treats that come 8 in a box for a dollar. They're super ghetto and always leave me feeling queasy but I eat them anyway. They're like black licorice, no one ever sees anyone buy them but people must or they wouldn't still be around.
7. This article about two kids who killed a puppy by using it as football is insane. Well at least they were able to identify the budding serial killers early, instead of after a 10-state shooting spree. Not that anything will be done about it until after they've done some community service and then killed a shitload of people.
8. Janelle called me the other day to tell me who her Top 20 celebrities she'd bang or date, I think it was. Then she asked me who mine were. It was pretty hard to come up with them and I froze at 6 (Michael Vartan, Jesse L Martin, Josh Lucas, Patrick Dempsey, Ioan Gruffudd, Julian McMahon.) Even after tossing in a few women (Jessica Alba, Shannyn Sossamon, Josie Maran) the figure still wasn't anywhere near 20. I'm all talk though. I'm shallow enough to appreciate physical attractiveness in a bed partner but their personality has to rock as well. A few stupid phrases out of a guy's mouth is all it takes to shut the evening down. I don't miss dating AT ALL.
11:26 a.m. edit: CONGRATULATIONS to Steve for passing his scary ass something or other computer certification exam that he's been studying for every day since last spring. I forget the details but I think only 10% of the people who take the test pass the practical portion of it. So less than a thousand people in the world have the certification. Something like that. Me and all the rest of our friends have been freaked out for Steve over this test. I'm so fucking happy for him I'm doing the Balky Bartacamus Dance of Joy while I type!
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