May 30, 2006

Extra Extra Read All About It

Extra Extra Read All About It

I just received an e-mail from Kwame with four words... "Please make it stop." The it in question is Paris Hilton making a new hip-hop reggae record. Being that I lack 99% of the Hilton family fortune, I am unfortunately, unable to make "it" stop. I can however, re-write the article on here and hope it magically replaces the old one somehow.

Paris Hilton Plans Reggae, Hip Hop Album

HONG KONG (AP) - Paris Hilton says her upcoming album will be a mix of reggae, pop and hip-hop, with the first single being a reggae song called "I'm A Twat."

Hilton will also do a remake of the Beck song "Loser" renamed "I'm A Loser Baby, Why Don't You Hit Me With A Shovel?" she was quoted as saying in the June issue of the Hong Kong magazine Prestige.

"The whole album will have a lot to offer, as long as people don't have ears. I really think the deaf community will be a solid fan base. And even if the album sells poorly, the cost of making it doesn't compare to how much the Warner Group is saving, now that employees can stay at Hilton hotels worldwide for free." said Warner Records CEO Edgar Bronfman Jr.

Hilton said she wrote the lyrics to seven of her songs, and by wrote she means "paid someone an obscene amount of money to take credit for their songs." She also said she had to overcome a penis in her mouth to become a singer. "Would you believe, all I had to do was take it out?" The aspiring singer enthused.

"People have always told me I could sing, but I always had to pay them to say it. Now, people will be paying to hear me sing. I think that is the hardest thing you can do, to sing in front of people. Having men jizz on your face, asking my parents for a billion-dollar advance on my allowance, paying people to put me on TV, getting fingerbanged by a Miami nightclub... those are all easy to do." Hilton said.

Prestige reported the single, "I'm A Twat" will be released this month by Warner Records and her own label Heiress Records, followed by a full album later this year, which is actually expected to be purchased by the same idiots who bought her book.

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