"I'd Love To Shoot You Sometime."
I finally saw Spiderman 3 a couple of nights ago. It was the worst movie I've seen in a long time. And you have to understand, I have a low, low, LOW threshold for movies I consider crap. Some of you may remember my "17 Movies I Shouldn't Admit Publicly To Liking" list from a few years back. The list has only grown longer with the addition of movies like The Princess Diaries, Bring It On 3, Honey and Take the Lead. Wait, let me rephrase that. The list has only grown longer with the addition of movies like The Princess Diaries, Bring It On 3, Honey and pretty much every movie with the words "starring Antonio Banderas" on it. With the exception of Desperado and Shrek 2, which most can agree are actually good movies.
Anyway, back to the two hours of cinematic crap I forced myself to endure out of sheer blind faith that the movie HAD to get better because dammit, it was Spiderman 3 and the first two were so good. The movie was so bad that I don't even want the $11 and two hours of my life back. It's a worthwhile price to pay for the benefit of being able to tell everyone and their mother how shitty this movie was. There's a line where Peter Parker said "I'd love to shoot you sometime" to some broad and I was compelled to say aloud "Yes please. Shoot me, shoot me right now so I don't have to finish watching this travesty of movie production."
If you want actual specifics as to what made it so bad (besides generalizations like the dialogue, acting, plot, and changes to the comic book storyline) I really can't give them. Much like the time I peed in my pants outside the gym in junior high school, I have blocked the movie from my mind in order to move on.
Monday night edit: Courtesy of Ben Lee, this "commercial" for Spider-Man 3 toys is hilarious.