Football and Useless Award Shows

Football and Useless Award Shows

I'm watching the Niners get killed. The Niners just fumbled the ball. Tampa Bay is at the 2. Yeah, I think this game is over. 27-6. Holy shit but I'm laughing my ass off, I got hella friends who are Niners-til-they-die fans. By the way, that Miller commercial with the two chicks mud wrestling is funny as hell. But again, let me point out that Ugly-Asian-chick-tokenism is apparently a phenomenon that occurs in commercials as well. Okay the first play of the second half was a Niners interception. Okay I'm going out to get some food before the Raiders-Jets game. GO RAIDERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Holy shit, that was a massacre. I admit I was nervous during the first half, I mean they came out for the 3rd dead-locked at 10-10. Yee-haw!! Bring on the Titans!!

Okay now I'm one of the 7 people in the continental United States actually watching the People's Choice Awards, which is a nice way of saying "Awards That B-Movie and Lesser TV Stars Feel Obligated To Attend Because It's Politically Correct." Stars go to this thing because it makes them seem as if they give a shit about their fans. Publicly they say stuff like "This means the most to me because you the fans chose me" but privately they're like "Fuck this shit, it's not a Grammy, Oscar or Emmy." Case in point: when Friends won for Best Show they let Matthew Perry and Lisa Kudrow give the acceptance speech. When Friends won for Best Comedy at the Emmys last year, none of the cast was allowed to speak, it was just producer after producer. Some thoughts:

1. Tony Danza is still alive?
2. Hahaha N*sync got played out for Best Band, thank God. I was worried all the 13-year old teenyboppers would vote en masse online. How crappy must people feel when the winner is a tie and there's only 3 nominees.
3. No they did not bring out Mrs. Brady. Were they that desperate for presenters?
4. 3 awards down and they've already had 2 "Sorry we couldn't make it" acceptance awards via satellite.
5. No Jamie Gertz (the Queen of Annoyingly Idiotic Roles) is not a presenter.
6. They had a Real World Las Vegas?
7. Let's check the "This means the most because it came from you guys" Counter: 4 awards down, 3 times heard.
8. Dang yo, Eminem didn't even do one of those sorry-I'm-not-there satelite things? He really doesn't like to bullshit around.
9. Jennifer Aniston just won for Best Female TV Performer, Hooray!! Yay Rachel!!!!!!!!! AND she used the "This means so much line."
10. Oh my God. They're so desperate for presenters they picked some old Variety columnist to present one. Why is this ceremony even still existing?
11. The awards themselves are very pretty. I think it's to encourage the winners to display them with their other legitimate awards, and not in the bathroom.
12. Ray Romano's TV kids are cuter than his real-life kids.
13. I hope Matt LeBlanc (Joey Tribbiani) doesn't end up like Tony Danza when he's old. It kind of seems headed that way though. They were apparently desperate for performers too, because Tony Danza rapped as the opening act and now he's playing the trumpet.
14.Who are these people they keep showing in the audience. So far I only recognized Ray Romano, Matthew Perry, Jennifer Aniston and Lisa Kudrow.
15. Oh man.. Ray Romano was mad cute with his sons during his acceptance speech for Best Male TV Performer. Now I feel bad about what I said earlier. Who am I kidding, no I don't.
16. Boring boring boring.
17. Okay, some chic on the stage when CSI: Miami was accepting their award had Blonde-Ambition-Tour Madonnna hair. Why would anyone with eyes do this.
18. They keep showing commercials for the Star Search finale and some 8-year-old looking little girl has a bangin voice. I think I'm going to have to watch that.
19. Okay Tony Danza is holding an accordion now. Why have I not changed the channel. It's like a train wreck.
20. The winners know beforehand whether they won or not. How absolutely idiotic.
21. Why is LOTR: Fellowship of the Ring (a movie that came out in 2001) being presented with an award in 2003?
22. How are there ties in this? You can't tell me that each movie or performer got exactly 6,347,126 votes apiece.
23. Hey this awards show almost redeemed itself by having The Rock present. But he didn't take his clothes off or anything so no redemption.
24. This is so pathetic. Just to prove that Julia Roberts did attend the ceremonies in the past, they showed a montage of her past acceptance speeches. It's supposed to smooth over the fact that she totally blew them off this year. Not even a previously-recorded "Thanks this means the most because it came from you fans."
25. Final "Wish I could have been there" Count: 15 awards, 13 via-satellite acceptance speeches, 2 live acceptance speeches. Just kidding.

On the news tonight they said some 16-year old teenager who punched his starved 7-year-old housemate in the stomach (thus killing him), won't face any charges because he didn't mean to hurt him. Yeah I can see that. Whenever people punch seven year old children hard enough to kill, they do it because it's fun. Not because they want to hurt them. When they actually want to hurt them they use the machete. Every idiot knows THAT.