TV, My Jersey City Rant, Regression and Other Unimportant Things

TV, My Jersey City Rant, Regression and Other Unimportant Things

I now love Monday nights. You know what the best part is about Joe Millionaire? The best part is how absolutely DUMB the bachelor (Evan) is about women. It cracks me up how wrong he is about half the women he talks about. Like he was saying that this one Jewish American Princess had a great time picking grapes but she was absolutely miserable. And he kept calling this one chic Melissa Jo "sweet" but the other three girls were ready to kill her because she deliberately cut them out of the conversation for the entire lunch date. Hysterical!! No offense but it never fails to make me giggle that men know absolutely nothing about women and what they're really like. Some of these women aren't even a tiny bit discreet as they giddily gush that they've "never dated a millionaire before." Ooh the elimination's starting. I'm pulling for Zora, Dana, Sara, Brandy and Alison (who's snotty and kind of witchy but she's interesting). I hope he drops the ugly Asian chic, Heidi, Melissa Jo and Melissa the Jewish American Princess because they're super annoying but at the same time I want them to be picked so that they stay and provide more drama. Okay Zora's in...Alison's in... eeew he picked Melissa...Oh well, makes sense. He has to pick at least one ugly girl otherwise everyone will dismiss him as a superficial prick. Okay Sara's in... eeew he picked Melissa Jo!!! Okay two ugly annoying chics out of 5 is a pretty good statistic for a guy. I'm impressed. Okay, they just showed a commercial for that show Fast Lane and they're advertising gratuitous lesbian kisses so the show must be desperate for viewers. I wouldn't know not being one of the 12 people that watch it. Well the news is on now. Pete Townsend is a pedophile?? Is there anyone these days who isn't a damn pedophile? It seems like everytime I turn on the TV someone is caught in a child porn ring. Townsend says he was just downloading porn for research purposes, because he was molested as a child. Good move bringing up the whole molestation thing. In America that's a "Get out of jail free" card. Research purposes huh. I can see how the guitarist for a rock band might need to be researching child pornography. Or maybe some idiot shrink told him that to get over his whole molestation trauma he needed to view graphic pictures of the obscene acts. It seems like something they'd say. I think I'm singularly unimaginative because pedophilia is the one crime/behavior problem that I don't understand. I can understand why some people would want to kill people. I can understand why some people steal cars. I can understand why some people cheat on their taxes. I can even understand why some people would want to pee on each other for stimulus purposes, even though I think it's gross. What I can't understand is why so many people are turned on by children. What kind of adult thinks about having sex with a 12-year old and gets turned on instead of grossed out?

So it's Tuesday now because I forgot to hit "publish." 24 was awesome tonight. Final "Holy shit" Count: 11. Geo and I are watching COPS because tonight's episode was filmed in Jersey City. So far they've only done drug busts. How about bringing in some fucking car thieves?? You're a cop in Jersey City for God's sake. That should be up there on the fucking priority list. Okay Fox sucks and Cops cut out into snow. Bastards. It's probably a Jersey-City-only blackout. They don't want us to witness firsthand how incompetent our cops are. You want to know how incompetent our cops are? Last year something like 7 cars got stolen over a period of 4 days in a one block radius. Geo's car got stolen, our downstairs neighbor David's car got stolen, both our neighbors on either side lost their cars and a couple houses to the left lost their cars. The car thieves TOWED George's car away and never got caught by the cops. That's fucking beautiful. I love how the quality of life sucks in Jersey City but the rent keeps getting higher because they're erecting office buildings 4 miles away. Okay now I'm watching some show I've never watched called Elimidate which is like Love Connection meets Blind Date meets The Bachelor except even more trashy. I wasn't even aware that was possible. Will wonders never cease. I believe the gist of the storyline is that one guy or girl goes out with 3 members of the opposite sex then eliminates two of them as the date goes on. The guy that was on tonight didn't even try to hide the fact that he was trying to pick the girl most likely to put out. He ended up with one of the skankiest chics I've ever seen on TV. And I used to watch Jerry Springer in college so that's saying a lot. One of his questions to determine which girl was "made" for him was "show me how you move your hips so I can see what you'd do to me in bed." How utterly romantic. Skanky Crackho Chic shook her ass and I almost vomited. That will teach me to watch late-night TV after eating. It should be considered an extreme sport. The line that had George snorting (with laughter, not cocaine) was: "She dances like a stripper, but classy."

Had dinner at Chili's in Paramus so we popped into the Garden State Mall because I was determined to buy one of those Sanrio picture wallets. I'm regressing in maturity. Over Christmas I got two of those big old Care Bears (Bedtime Bear and Wish Bear) and now I picked up one of those wallets so I can carry around pictures of my family and friends. In my defense, I'm always getting grief for not having any pictures with me of my dog or my godsons or whoever so... yeah okay lame excuse for why a 26-year old adult female needs a Sanrio wallet. In my defense again, I haven't owned anything Sanrio in over 7 years. Okay I'm going to shut up now.

Top 5 Fast Food-esque Restaurants I Miss From Cali

1. Jack In The Box (Sometimes I think I'd trade my dog in for a Grilled Sourdough Burger. But that's more because he's a little snot.)
2. In N' Out (That's funny because that's what it does too.)
3. Marie Callender's or Bakers Square (These aren't fast food restaurants but for my purposes they count because I only miss their pies which are already made and sitting in the refrigerated pie display thingy.)
4. Wienersnitzel (Okay I don't really miss Wienersnitzel. I just miss seeing their red shacks with the big huge Swiss-chalet-style roofs and the word "Wienersnitzel" in big yellow letters out front.)
5. Hot Dog On A Stick (I miss this one the most, especially with their freshly-squeezed lemonade YUMMMMMMMY. I hopped onto their website and apparently the nearest one to me is in fucking Florida. They have them in Oklahoma, Utah, Wyoming, Oregon, Indiana, Hawaii and Alaska of all places, but they don't have one within a thousand miles of New York City. Some of those states don't even have running water. And in some (Hawaii), all they have is water. I think it's time to write another one of my letters that I never write. Like the one going to the Bubble Yum Corporation demanding that they bring back "Bananaberry Split." I don't know why Hot Dog On A Stick is so damn good. Everyone who's never had one just thinks they're plain old corndogs but they're not!!! They're made with magic or something because they're SO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!)