Spam

SPAM

So Aud called me tonight. It's Saturday night and she's at home alone. Her parents are off gallivanting in Atlantic City. I asked her if she was throwing another SPAM orgy, like the imaginary one her mom was convinced she threw during one of their other trips to Atlantic City. Apparently she wasn't though, so we just must be getting old. Naturally, because it was me and Aud, the conversation went off on a huge tangent about the actual creation process of SPAM.

Aud: So my parents went to AC.
Me: Meaning right this moment, some strange man is eating SPAM out of your ass?
Aud: Oh my God, I can't believe you remembered that.
Me: Please, I remember everything.
Geo: Dude, now let's have SPAM for dinner.
Me (not enthused) : Really?
Geo: Yeah. Oooh look there's Stop and Shop.
Me: Alright, pull in and I'll go get a can of SPAM.
Aud: You guys are having SPAM for dinner?
Me: Yes, want to come over?
Aud: Maybe. So you're actually walking in the grocery right this moment, picking up a can of SPAM?
Me: Even as we speak. But I can't find it. Sugar... baking needs... soup.. where the hell is the Questionable Canned Meat Aisle? Oh here it is. Dude did you know there's a SPAM imposter called TREET?
Aud: No there isn't.
Me: I swear there is, I'm holding the can right now.
Aud: You need to pick that up.
Me: Hell no. Can you imagine what might be in generic SPAM?? As in they cut corners while making SPAM??
Aud: Do you ever wonder what's in SPAM?
Me: It says right here. "Pork and ham--"
Aud: Wait, aren't those the same thing?
Me: You mean like saying "pig and pig"?
Aud: Yeah.
Me: I'm actually surprised, I thought SPAM was comprised of like 8 different animals, all mashed together and stuffed into a can.
Aud: What a visual!!! I'm picturing a big blender with 8 different animals in it like deer, bison...
Me: I'm picturing a bunch of animals being smashed into a small blue can by a large rectangular object.
Aud: HAHAHA you mean like those car compressors at junkyards?
Me: That's even funnier. And at the end, there's this big cube of "meat" and another machine cuts little rectangular chunks out of it.
Aud: HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Me: Damn, now I'M craving SPAM.
Aud: Me too.
Geo: Dude, you guys are weird.

(Later on)

Aud: Are you eating SPAM or TREET?
Me (misunderstanding): Yeah come over for dinner and I'll serve SPAM and mead.
Aud: I said TREET!!!
Me: Oh.
Aud: SPAM and mead... oh my God that is so classy.
Me: Isn't it though. Who needs wine and cheese when you can have SPAM and mead.

Once again, mead is really good. Mead will fuck you up. Mead is walking up to two big knights in chain mail with swords and saying "A plague on both your houses!!!" good.