The girls and I were just taking our afternoon nap, when I coughed myself awake. My throat felt really dry so I got up to get a drink. Still on the table, was half of the sandwich I had for lunch. My mind went "Oooooh... sandwich." Resistance was futile so I took a bite, then returned to my pallet and went back to sleep. But ten minutes later I woke up again, because even while asleep, I couldn't stop thinking about the sandwich. So I finally gave in and got up to eat the rest of it. And so here I am. What kind of sandwich was it you ask? Last night while coming home from our friends' daughter's birthday party in South Jersey, we made our customary stop at Wawa, for roast beef sandwiches and peach iced tea. No, not the roast beef sandwiches Tony and Pete admire at Delilah's Den. Actual roast beef sandwiches. Unfortunately for Geo, I was LIT (thanks to our host Jamie's bottles of Jameson and Jack) and despite the rather large menu board, was unaware Wawa offered both cold AND hot roast beef sandwiches. So I didn't get the ones Geo wanted, but damn those hot roast beef sandwiches were good. If I could live in a house made out of sandwiches I'd want them to be those sandwiches.
Dude, I was such a good drunk last night. I really have to pat myself on the back. I was seriously lit yet Aggressive Drunken Riss never made an appearance. Not once. Yes, I realize this is one of those things Chris Rock makes fun of ("You're not SUPPOSED to go to jail") but ADR is always a possibility if people push. And some people push. But people were chill yesterday, not those perverted psychos that Mike J hangs out with (who almost always invite ADR out to play, with their drunken stupidity.) Plus we were at the house of people I really really like, but don't know that well. So even though I was buzzed, I was still conscious of the need to act like a human. Yes, I can be well-behaved you dillholes. And we had fun!
My cousin-in-law Janelle, me and our lovely hostess Olivia in our party tiaras.
I need to get one of these, but you know, real. So I can prance around at home
in my Raiders jersey and a tiara and pretty much confuse the crap out of my children.
On to the pressing question of the day, why do they make pans that stick? Why can't they all be non-stick? Is there some sort of recipe that calls for something to be fried, then scraped off the bottom of the pan? "In a frying pan that sticks, cook 1/2 lb of ground beef until meat is golden brown and stuck to the bottom of the pan. Make sure the meat is stuck to the bottom of the pan or the dish won't set properly." I gripe about this because I just bought a frying pan that was labeled in Swedish (thanks IKEA) and thus assumed it was a non-stick frying pan when it wasn't. Now I have to soak the damn thing for like seven hours. It doesn't make any sense. Why wouldn't they just make all frying pans non-stick? It's like having to specify that a paper towel should be absorbent.
Speaking of IKEA, isn't it weird how some of their products are ridiculously under-priced while other products are ridiculously over-priced? It's like there's no pricing middle ground. You pick up a nice desk lamp and it costs 3 dollars. But then you pick up a wooden magazine rack and it's like 38 dollars. You can get a bookshelf for $17 but then a wooden salad bowl is $19. It's very disorienting.
And lastly, bless me people for I have completely blown Resolution Number One to high hell. I was able to (with only a couple drag lapses) quit this past week but then at the party... well let's just say that I made up for the week of nicotine abstinence, with a vengeance. I think if I really want to quit smoking I'm going to have to cut liquor out completely as well. Okay stop laughing. It's not that funny. No really, stop.
8 comments:
Funny, funny stuff. I liked it. I laughed? Oh, yes. I didn't shed a tear, though. But I am hungry, so thanks for that.
Yes those perverted psychos have a knack for getting ADR to come out and play. I've witnessed other sightings of ADR and the common denominator seems to be white people.. not my people .. white people.. (I'm playing that card in reverse).
Mike J
Mike stop being gay, your people ARE white people. Just take your Jewish card and tuck it back into your wallet and never bring it out again.
And the common denominator isn't white people, it's your friends who think grabbing my ass or making a joke about how easy Filipina women are is a good pick-up line.
I mean come on. We're easy but not THAT easy.
OK cool I get to save that card. Come to think of it, as witness to these events the other common denominator is.. me .. so, my friends are psycho ass grapping.
Mike J
You're not going to believe this, but I actually live in a house made Wawa roast beef sandwiches! I eat my way out the front door every day. I don't go to work until late afternoon, so the door is nice and hot -- thanks to the Texas sun -- when I leave. We're thinking of adding on, but we're not sure whether to go with ham or pastrasmi.
i heard that if you quit one bad habit, you can pick up another one.
so quit smoking, and just drink more. =)
Oh please go with the pastrami, then I can come over and help you re-model. We'll just eat through a wall and make the living room bigger.
G: And where did you read this, in the Idiot's Guide to Damnation?
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