In My Head Right This Moment

In My Head Right This Moment

We Asian people get a lot of flack for our cultures that eat dogs, but has anyone ever considered it might be genetic? I asked my two-year-old what she wanted to eat for lunch and she replied "WOOF!"

I've gotten some e-mails asking when I plan to update my Demented Fairytale. I'm lagging because it's up in the air whether or not James will finally be getting laid in the next installment. Never know until the fingers actually hit the keyboard. Perhaps I may just annoy you all by giving him performance issues. Wouldn't that suck.

Does Air Force Two ever get sad because he's always living in his brother's shadow? I mean his brother not only gets to transport the most powerful person on the planet, he also has the stronger sounding name AND his own movie. It just doesn't seem fair. Plus, his hangar is smaller and it doesn't have a view of the river. I bet Air Force One gets all the hoes too.

A lot of people say if women ran the world, it would be a more peaceful place. Hee. Either that or instead of bombing Afghanistan to flush out Bin Laden we'd be bombing Canada for wearing the same dress as us to the Olympics. Which I guess is better than bombing France for rooting against our soccer team or checking out our girlfriend's rack. Overall the theory kind of makes sense, the whole testosterone versus "nurturing instinct" thing. I'm not completely sold though. But that's maybe because I'm a woman and if I led this country we would bend over and buttfuck anyone who stepped to us. Which is why I am not in politics. I don't have the temperament for it. Parenthood has mellowed me though. I should be sane by the time they're 17.

Jet Li won't be making any more martial arts films. NOO!!! No more watching him incapacitate people with a piece of taffy. Incidentally, Jet Li's best movie is Fist of Legend, not the Hollywood movies they mentioned in the article.

Speaking of movies, X-Men 3 is going to rock. X-Men was good, X-Men 2 was twice as good, so it stands to reason that X3 is going to be even better. I watched Fantastic Four again last night and I love the comic book thing Marvel does at the beginning of their movies. It reminded me of the time I dragged Lani to a comic book convention. We were the only two females there and were pretty much treated like aliens. Picked up the back issues of Cyberforce and Spawn I needed though.

This porn blooper is hysterical. Don't watch it from work obviously, unless you work for a porn-watching company. In which case I want your job.

Jewish hip-hop is on the rise. Word to your menorahs! I wonder what Jesse Jackson is going to have to say about all this. Something brilliant as usual I assume. "These Jews are leaving nothing for the black man. First they made a move on oppression, now they're trying to bang hip-hop. Soul food is OURS, bitches." Except it will rhyme more. Like "The Jews can choose to use as their muse their shoes..." Or something. I guess I should take back my application to be his speechwriter. Odes to football aside, I'm not that great at rhyming.

Ray: I'm going to a gay sports bar tonight. Is it me or is that an oxymoron?
Me: No.... no more so than a straight, interior decorating bar.
Ray: Or a straight, gift-wrapping bar.
Me: Are you going to a gay, sports bar or a "gay sports" bar?
Ray: What are "gay sports"?
Me: I don't know... naked male mud wrestling?
Ray: Endurance dancing to Madonna?
Me: So is Ed of the accidental mint green pashmina fame really straight?
Ray: Yup. We heard him giving it once to his girlfriend.
Me: But who was he picturing?
Steve: He was thinking of Orlando Bloom.
Ray: "Ohh God yes... Legolas!!! I mean--"
Ray: I think he if were single, he'd be 4 Long Islands away from exploring homoville. But then I've said that about you Stevie.
Steve: No, I haven't and won't be exploring homoville.

I know. We just set gay rights back a few notches. Sorry.