May 30, 2002

In the News...

In The News....

Disgusting Article of the Day: 11-Year-Old Girl Gives Birth To Baby of 75 Year-Old-Man" Yessssss. After reading this I definitely want to finish my breakfast so that I have something to throw up. His defense is going to be interesting in a morbid way. He claims they had a "relationship" and that "She seduced me." I realize the problem of 10-year-old sluts running around seducing septuagenarians is fast reaching epidemic proportions, but I'm still not certain that will fly in court. The guy met her through one of those Adopt-a-Grandparent programs which I'm sure will now be viewed with cynical eyes by the state of Connecticut. One of my co-workers was like "You mean to tell me that a 10-year-old girl has a boyfriend and I don't??" Foul. But amusing.

My "pick" Miss Russia aka Oxana Fedorova, won the first-ever Miss Universe title for her country. Damn, I'm good.

Kwame had issues with the fact that she doesn't look traditionally Russian in his opinion. He thinks all Russian women should look like Lani's mom (whom I like to call "Zsa Zsa" only she's much more attractive than the real Zsa Zsa). I know Miss Russia doesn't really fit the image of the stereotypical Russian woman but it doesn't change the fact that the woman is BANGIN'. I just might have to add her to my Top 5 women. Right now I believe it stands at Angelina Jolie, Shannyn Sossamon, Kelly Hu, Emanuelle Beart and Jessica Alba. But who should I take off?? Decisions decisions...

The final 5 finalists were Miss Panama, Miss China (eeew eeew a purely political decision, like the decision to host the Olympics in Beijing), Miss Venezuela and another one of my "picks" Miss South Africa. One of my other "picks" (Miss India) made it to the top 10 but you know that with India on the brink of nuclear war with Pakistan... well she wasn't going to win. Wouldn't want the Pakistani militia to go into a rage and start pushing some buttons.

"Fedorova, the 51st Miss Universe, is a university lecturer and doing post-graduate work in civil law. She wants to become an attorney and a mother, and has a 38-year-old boyfriend named Vladimir." I e-mailed that to MPip and he responded "a 38-year old boyfriend named Vladimir that cuts tongues out of the mouths of stool pigeons and wears velour Pony sweatsuits and fat gold ropes." What's with the Russian Mafia stereotypes!!! Well, you all know there's no love lost between the Yugoslavs/Croats and the former Soviet Union. Then again, look at these Russian drug-dealing grannies. Lani, control your peoples!!! Anyway back to Miss Russia. A lawyer who looks like that?? If I were a lesbian I'd be in love. She should come here and represent the two grannies.

Moving right along...

A Queens judge just sentenced the 19-year-old woman who lured the Chinese delivery guy that was killed by her friends a couple years ago to 17 years in prison. That's almost double the amount of years she's lived. I have no sympathy though. People need to think about the consequences of their actions. Someone is dead because of her and this isn't a case of some sober driver accidentally running over a pedestrian. "If I could undo the whole thing, I would," Royster said. "I didn't know they were going to hurt the man." Yet she also testified to making numerous calls to order food while knowing that her accomplices were waiting in the bushes with bricks. What the hell did she think they were going to do, build him a house?? Liberals are going to bitch about this decision because "jails are overcrowded." Build more jails. I say we pick a country and ship our "less dangerous" criminals out to there. It'll be like a modern-day late 1700's Australia, when the Land Down Under was a British penal colony. Any suggestions for locations?? We can send the 75-year-old impregnator of small children out there.

Man, I really like Joumana Kidd. I don't know her so for all I know she could be bitchy as hell, but I like the way she stands by her man. The NY Post has an article in which she responds to the Boston fans who chanted "wife-beater" at my boy JKidd and it's pretty level and honest. She said she was angry, but she also said it hurt and that she was thankful their 3-year-old son was too young to understand what it meant.

Two "fans" showed up at the Meadowlands last night holding a sign that said, "Will Someone Please Stab Paul Pierce?" Pierce was stabbed in a Boston nightclub before last season. Everyone knows I hate Paul Pierce but that's not even right. Someone needs to send those fans back to Sayreville in their Slayer shirts.
The Sultan of Brunei's younger brother Prince Jefri has been spending 250 million dollars a year importing call girls to Borneo. Jesus Christ. That's 250 times the Gross National Product of his country... (and 250 million times their Gross Domestic Product because when was the last thing you bought something "Made in Borneo"??)

Some boy brought in fetuses in a formaldehyde-filled jar for "Show and Tell." Isn't that special. My favorite quote is "Police refused to touch the jar, which started leaking, and called officials from the medical examiner's office."