April 5, 2005

Yet More Randomness

Yet More Randomness

1. For my birthday in three months, please jot down in your PDAs that I want a gift certificate to neighborhoodies.com so I can get a shirt that says "I Heart Antonio Banderas." Wait... wait... never mind. I already have one, courtesy of Mike. And he expects me to wear it too, in public no less. And you know I will, because I don't welsh on my bet losses or promises, regardless of how humiliating it will be. Case in point: dinner at P.F. Chang's in Edgewater.

2. I backed up my blog last night into a few Word documents because Blogger has been acting a bit sheisty for the past few months. At Times New Roman 10 pt and including about 30 or so small pictures, the total page count came to 652. Should I throw myself off a cliff now or later? This blog is a study in uselessness and it is 652 pages long.

3. I have a confession to make. I......... watch.......... Nashville Star. I know, it's very bizarre that I do this considering how much I dislike country music. I don't even know why I do it. I just know that whenever I'm channeling, if I pass USA and it's on I stop and finish the show out. I've been doing this for two seasons already. Whew, felt good to finally get that off my chest. This season, they actually have Bret Michaels of Poison as a judge and apparently he's country now because he performed "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" on the last episode and sang it like this "Ayevera rows hazits thowrn. Jess lahk ayevera nat hazits daaaaaaaaawon." And of course, I sang along too with a fake country accent because that's always fun. It's the same phenomenon behind why I like to sing songs sung by British artists as well. "I'll stohp the weld and mehlt with yew." Oh and Hava Nagila. I like singing that too.

4. Patrick from JerseyStyle points out a new feature on Google Maps, the ability to peek at any location in the continental United States as long as you know the address or general vicinity. It's pretty cool in a scary way. It made me wish I worked for NASA or something and could actually use those satellites for something useful, like peeping at peoples' houses in real time. Probably Patrick Dempsey's. I'd magnify the zoom to focus on his bathroom window and peek at him in the shower. Or at least taking a piss.

5. While digging around in one of my older e-mail accounts, I found the top 10 list I sent out with my change of address from Newark to Nutley, New Jersey (the purported "Mafia Capital of New Jersey") back in 1999:

Top 10 Things Riss Will Miss About Living In Newark

10. That special "Is tonight the night I get jumped for my $3.00" feeling when walking home at night.

9. Dodging bullets from the Mafia just not the same as dodging bullets from gang members

8. Centralized heating not as much fun as the old "cellophane over the windows during winter" trick

7. Can't play the "Is my car still there?" game every night at three o'clock in the morning anymore.

6. The adrenaline rush of waking up in a cold sweat every time you hear a car alarm while simultaneously trying to figure out if it's yours.

5. The stellar Newark City Subway system -- how can anyone not love a subway system in which the majority of the time, the driver has to get out of the car and switch the tracks himself? "Logistically speaking, the red light can sometimes mean go."

4. Getting hit up for spare change by homeless people at Newark Penn Station far more preferable to this new arrangement with John Gotti's second cousin Vinny.

3. Due to the Stalin-esque tendencies of new landlord, was not able to bring pet rats: Prometheus and Orpheus.

2. Saying you live in Nutley, "America's Friendliest Township" (or whatever their slogan is) just isn't as cool as saying you live in Newark -- "America's Renaissance City."

And the number one thing Riss Will Miss About Living In Newark:

1. New duplex is just too aesthetically pleasing. NOW how is the livery driver who takes me home after work supposed to be able to say to me "Oh God.....you live HERE????? I thought you were much better off."

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