June 30, 2005

Steaks, Shots, Unibrows and Genies

Steaks, Shots, Unibrows and Genies

So to celebrate Mike J's turning the big three-four, we hit up Applebee's in Clifton. Yes, you all laugh but Mike is very much not a shi-shi frou-frou 9-dollar-cake-the-size-of-my-butthole fusion place in NYC person. He's not even a best-Indian-food-that-isn't-actually-in-India person. He's a good friends, good steaks, large portions and cheap Guinness and SoCo person. Which is a good kind.

Girlie took the opportunity to entertain us with an amusing story about her shopping trip that day to Best Buy. While in the DVD section, she happened upon a Best Buy employee who was um, "mentally challenged." He was standing in the middle of the aisle, clutching a DVD and kissing it. Then he would point at the cover and say "You're so hot" and "I'm going to mmmm you" over and over again. When G passed by him, she saw that the DVD was some comedy with a chick in a bikini on the cover. What I love is the mmmm you part. I wonder if he got caught saying the actual word and so someone taught him not to say it. Needless to say I automatically turned to Geo and told him I was going to mmmm him. Mmmm him like it's nobody's business.

After dinner, Steve and Girlie took off because Steve still has to pack for his trip home to Australia and Girlie lives over the river and through the woods. Mike's friend Drew from college showed up however and we all proceeded to celebrate Mike's birthday in the only way we know how that doesn't involve strippers. SHOTS!!! (Thanks Drew!)

After knocking back a few, I looked over at Mike and asked him if the huge red bump between his eyebrows was a zit. He replied no, then started blushing profusely. Naturally, we were all intrigued. What was the mystery dot if not a zit? A bruise? A boil? Was he now the wife of some Indian gentleman? Alas, it wasn't any of those things. It was a cut. A cut received because while looking in the mirror as a just-turned-34-year-old, he thought he saw the shadow of a unibrow and decided to take preventive measures with his razor. Ahhhh men. Plucking and waxing doesn't seem so silly now does it?
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After we got home, I had to do some stuff (code for "Mario Tennis") so Geo told me to wake him up before I went to sleep. But after I climbed into bed I was sooooooooo sleepy. I mean I hadn't actually handled the lamp or anything but there was that implied contract with the genie's master. Is it me or is this analogy getting out of hand (heh). My point is, I went straight to sleep. Geo grabbed my arm after I settled in and I froze, thinking I was caught being the laziest um, lamphandler ever AND a big fat liar, but he just kept sleeping while holding onto my arm. I relaxed and went to sleep.

My last thought before I slept was that before G and Steve and Tony left Applebee's I smacked their butts goodbye. And then I started thinking how that's probably why I didn't get huffy about Arnold and Bill Cosby copping feels, because I always smack my friends' asses without thinking. In fact, sometimes while conversing with a stranger I have to remind myself that it wouldn't be polite to smack their ass when I send them on their merry way. I watch too much fucking football.

Geo bears the brunt of my inadvertent harassment. But he kind of has to, you know the whole man and wife thing. Just like if he wants to rub MY lamp to read the inscription even though my lamp is clean, and the genie's master is asleep, he really can go ahead and make his wish, though the master still sleeps, whether or not the genie tells him to and forget it I'm lost. I was just kidding about this analogy anyway. Well, this part of it.

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